A pimp is sitting in a backstreet waiting for his THREE (make sure you emphasize the 'three') hoes to come back for the night. After a long wait, the first one finally arrives.
The pimp says "Hey you're late! Anyway - you owe me $100, so pay up..."
The hoe replies "Umm I'm pretty sure it was only $70..."
The pimp slaps the hoe and says "Don't correct me bitch!"
Just after this the second hoe comes around the corner.
The pimp says "Hey you took your time... now pay up... you owe me $150!"
The hoe replies "No, it was only $100 i owed you..."
The pimp slaps the hoe and says "Don't correct me bitch!"
The third hoe then suddenly comes around the corner...
The pimp says "Hey Hey.. get over here.. you owe me $300 so gimme the money..."
The hoe replies "What? I only owed you $220!"
The pimp again, slaps the hoe and says "Don't correct me bitch!"
Then the fourth hoe comes around the corner...
(At this point, someone you're telling the joke to should point out "But I thought you said there we're only three hoes..." - Slap them and say "Don't correct me bitch"
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
Funny Humor - A Happy Life
FIVE RULES FOR ALL MALES TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, is a good cook, cleans and has a well paid job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh and laughs at your jokes.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is superb in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, is a good cook, cleans and has a well paid job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh and laughs at your jokes.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is superb in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Political humor - Nice Trade
Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was
carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."
The President replies "These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Ted Kennedy, and I got one for Senator John Kerry."
The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says,
"Excellent trade, sir."
carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."
The President replies "These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Ted Kennedy, and I got one for Senator John Kerry."
The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says,
"Excellent trade, sir."
Humor - Age
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."
"Ah, that's nothing" said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap
every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."
"Ah, that's nothing" said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap
every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."
Funny Joke - Please Stand Up
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you`re a moron?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn`t want to see you standing there all by yourself."
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you`re a moron?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn`t want to see you standing there all by yourself."
Friday, February 23, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
breasts.txt
(o)(o) Perfect breasts
(+)(+) Fake silicone breasts
( * )( * ) Perky breasts
(@)(@) Big nipple breasts
oo A cups
{O}{O} D cups
(oYo) Wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) Cold breasts
(o)(O) Lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) Pierced breasts
(p)(p) Hanging tassels breasts
\o/\o/ Grandma’s breasts
( - )( - ) Against the shower door breasts
o | | o | Android breasts
( $ )( $ ) Martha Stewart’s breasts
(+)(+) Fake silicone breasts
( * )( * ) Perky breasts
(@)(@) Big nipple breasts
oo A cups
{O}{O} D cups
(oYo) Wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) Cold breasts
(o)(O) Lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) Pierced breasts
(p)(p) Hanging tassels breasts
\o/\o/ Grandma’s breasts
( - )( - ) Against the shower door breasts
o | | o | Android breasts
( $ )( $ ) Martha Stewart’s breasts
Monday, February 19, 2007
Funny - English Love Poem
An English Love Poem
(Who said British men aren't romantic?)
Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top Notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can Get my arms round there
No woman who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me grannies grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter wot you look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the soccer's on
And fetch another beer
(Who said British men aren't romantic?)
Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top Notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can Get my arms round there
No woman who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me grannies grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter wot you look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the soccer's on
And fetch another beer
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Funny Jokes - Why I divorced my wife
"What would you like?" my wife asked as she prepared the evening meal. "Tuna, salmon, chicken, beef or liver?" Surprised and pleased by this unusual opportunity to make a selection from such an extensive dinner menu, I replied, "Beef would be nice for a change, thank you."
"Oh," she said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was asking the cat. We're having soup." ....
"Oh," she said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was asking the cat. We're having soup." ....
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Funny Jokes - Bacon and Eggs
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his
mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he
kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes
to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast
and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get
any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any
eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for
a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't
getting any milk."
mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he
kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes
to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast
and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get
any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any
eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for
a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't
getting any milk."
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Humor , to make you smile
1.. My wife and I divorced over religious differences…..She thought she was God and I didn’t.
2.. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I’m not a complete idiot –Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the st uffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room -spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24.. They call it PMS be cause Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
25.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27.. Ham and eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile because I don’t know what the heck is going on.
2.. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I’m not a complete idiot –Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the st uffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room -spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24.. They call it PMS be cause Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
25.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27.. Ham and eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile because I don’t know what the heck is going on.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Simon says Modern Reality not Joke
Vista contains improved speech recognition technology, a factor which prompted security researchers to see if it was possible to create MP3 files on hacker websites or audio tracks distributed on P2P networks to issue spoken commands which takes control of PCs running Vista.
Read more:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/02/01/vista_voice_recognition_attack/
Read more:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/02/01/vista_voice_recognition_attack/
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Jokes - Pilots and ATC
(warning quite long)
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Those English are quite tough on the Germans. You’d think it was them that won the war and not the North Americans.
That was just for you Rich, from your Scottie neighbours
Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers:
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet.
How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a
747 makes when it hits a 727?"
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff line:
"I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control:
"Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...
I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked,
"What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway,
if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101,
make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English):
"If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English):
"I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany.
Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure.
By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind
of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:
"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours
and I'll have enough parts for another one."
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign: Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):
"Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, --
And I didn't land."
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for
Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between
C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!
You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive
taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you,
when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the
verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground
controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around
Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence
and keyed his microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Those English are quite tough on the Germans. You’d think it was them that won the war and not the North Americans.
That was just for you Rich, from your Scottie neighbours
Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers:
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet.
How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a
747 makes when it hits a 727?"
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff line:
"I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control:
"Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...
I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked,
"What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway,
if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101,
make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English):
"If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English):
"I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany.
Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure.
By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind
of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:
"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours
and I'll have enough parts for another one."
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign: Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):
"Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, --
And I didn't land."
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for
Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between
C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!
You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive
taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you,
when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the
verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground
controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around
Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence
and keyed his microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Cool - 3 Fuses
Nice trick to do at a party . Actually there is no trick involved anyway this is a great way to amaze your friends and get 10 bucks quick ;) .
Friday, January 19, 2007
Two Blondes Joke
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
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