Funny Humor - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

I realize the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the driveway is flooded,
the car isn't washed,
the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
there is still only one check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Funny Humor - Beer VS. Women

*A BEER is always wet... point for the BEER!
*The BEER is horrible if its hot... point for the WOMAN!
*A frozen BEER satisfies you... point for the BEER!
*If you return to your house smelling to BEER, your woman can get angry, but If you arrive at house smelling to WOMEN, your woman will be angry for sure and she can maybe left you... Tie!... since it depends of the point of view. Wink
*Ten BEERS in one night and later you wont be able to drive to yourhouse. Ten WOMEN in one night and there is no need to go nowhere else... point for the WOMAN.
*If a police feels that you smell like BEER, he can arrest you, if the police feels that you smell like WOMEN he will invite you a beer.. point for the WOMAN!
*The beer, while is older is better... point for the BEER!
*Many BEERS can make you see UFOs, many WOMEN can make you see God... point for the WOMAN!
*If you ask yourself how will be your next WOMAN you are normal. If you ask yourself how will be your next BEER, you are an alcoholic man... point for the WOMAN!
*Taking off the label of a BEER is amused. Taking off the trousers of a WOMAN is so much amused... point for the WOMAN!
*You pay taxes for beer... point for the WOMAN.
*If you take another BEER, first one does not get angry... point for the BEER!
*You can assure that you are first in "opening" a BEER... point for the BEER!
*If you shake a BEER, after awhile calms for itself... point for the BEER!
*Clear, dark, at any time you can choose the BEER that you want... point for the BEER!
*You know exactly how much it will cost you a BEER... point for the BEER!
*The BEER doesnt have a mother... point for the BEER!
*You can do it if you want, but a BEER will not request to hug or embrace it during half hour after you have taken it... point for the BEER!

FINAL SCORE: The BEER wins the battle! (10 to 7)

**If you are a WOMAN and at this moment this is making you feel angry, remember that the beer doesnt care about this battle... Another point for the BEER!

FINAL MARKER 11 To 7!
lets go to celebrate the victory with the winner!

xxx Pictures - Drunk Pussy

Funny Picture - Microsoft Word for Blondes

In case you didn't knew this is Microsoft Word for Blondes.

Funny Picture - new Computer for women

Some might consider I'm just mean but I had to share with you this picture . :)) It's the new computer for women , for all of you who believe that a women's place is in the kitchen I'm sure you will find this amusing , but don't forget this photo is here just for laughs , a women should be next to a man always ... next to you ;)

Amazint Picture - Amazing Video Games Collection

These Amazing pictures can proove one thing , indeed there is a person more addicted to games (video games) then me. I wouldn't believe it possible before I have seen these picture.

Anyway this collection is huge , when we talk about game addiction we should probably ask first the owner of this big collection. He has everything , every game console known to man kind (PS2 / XBOX / PSP / PSX / DC / GBA / PSP / Nintendo DS and much more) and bought an impressive games collection (even though most might by doubles but on different game platforms).

Funny Flash - Alcohol Humor Warnings

Other Alcohol related topics:

WARNING - Alcohol Consumption
Funny - Nine Reasons to get drunk
Dont get this drunk
Help the drunk get Home

And of course let's not forget some good jokes about drunk people and alcohol consumption:

Pulled Over
Jokes - The drunk and the priest
Jokes - Drink for free - Drunk advice to use hot dog

Funny Picture - Photoshopped Animals

Did you ever wonder why wolves eat sheeps ? Well they just get bored of playing with them probably :) . Check out the other cool photoshopped pictures that make this animals look more then funny.




This funny picture doesn't have a big trace of photoshop activity , and most likely athe owner just caught his cat near the keyboard and photographed it , but with a photo there always come adjusting , but why adjust red eye and color levels , hue or saturation when you can add a clever and funny message that will make your photoshopped picture speak a thousand words.



Funny squirl addicted to alcohol and tobaco (cigarettes). Now I guess mankind has an excuse for not beeing perfect :)) .



Related Links:

Photoshopped funny animal artwork

Art Ilusions

Art Ilusions are great graphics , also called amazing art wich will always fascinate mankind because the artwork is just impressive. Usually graphics like these can be found on dazzling top collections and maybe among with optical illusions wich are graphic images that mostly use the same principles.

Art Ilusions usualy feature things that can't exist in real life, and landscapes with hidden stuff in it. Many images can be turned upside down , this way you will see something completly different. In these ilusions of art mysterious pictures that let you guess what it is are the favourites of many art lovers , and there's a whole lot more .

Funny - Practical Advice - Crosswalk

"Instant Walk."

Three short clicks, followed by two long, one short, two long, and three short; turn any crosswalk signal from "don't walk" to "walk" with a matching change in the traffic signals.

easy way to remember

3-2-1-2-3

3 backwards....then back up

Funny Picture - Anti Electronic Arts

This is a hidden message written in the so called leet writing . If you replace 3 with an "e" and the 5 with and "S" , you will get to read the hidden message. Enjoy this funny hidden message.

Funny Picture - Forbidden Love

I am not talking about a love between a couple like Romeo and Juliette but between these wonderfull creatures:

a dog and a cat;

Funny Picture - BMW The ultimate atraction

Choosing between a perfect car and a perfect woman ... hmm .. why not have both together ? :P



This funnny picture was an actual advertisment in one of BMW campaigns. So study this ultimate atraction and leave a laugh !

Funny Picture - Pink Tank

Although this picture was most likely photoshoped I think the message it send us is obvious:

"Embrace Love not war!" . Anyway nice funny picture ! the ideea of a pink tank is just crazy :)) .

Funny Animation - About how Santa knows how to deliver gifts

I bet all of you have wondered how Santa Claus did choose who to gave a piece of coal (naughty children) and how to distribute the rest of the presents. Well our elf friend will tell us .. Shh.. Don't tell it to anyone else and watch yourself a whole year .... you might get the exact gift you always dreamed of !

Funny Video - Windows Vista Delay

Did you ever wonder why Microsoft is taking this long to release Microsoft Windows Vista. You probably are all familiar with most goofs from microsoft presentations back when they presented the earliest windows and a blue screen apeared during the presentation.



Well watch this video and see them present their new voice recognition system. It's hillarious and very funny . You won't stop laughing.

Jokes - Three Sisters

Three Sisters,ages 92,94, and 96,live together.
one night the 96 year old draws a bath.She puts
one foot in and pauses."Was I getting in the tub or out?"She yells.
The 94 year old hollers back,"I don't know,I will come and see"
She starts up the stairsand stops.She shouts "Was I going up or coming down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea,listening to her sisters.She shakes her head and says,"I sure hope I never get that forgeful,"
and knocks on wood for good measure.
Then she yells,"I will come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at
the door"!

Funny Picture - Women and Weight

Mom had a weight issue ... :P

Jokes - Cop Joke

A little girl was riding her shiney new bike when she
came upon a policeman on a horse. The officer smiled
and said "Nice bike! Did Santa bring you that?"

The girl beamed with pride as she she said "Yes sir."

The cop looked over the bike then handed her a safety
violation. "Tell Santa to put a reflector on it next
year."

The little girl took the ticket and looked up at the
cop, "Nice horse! Did Santa bring you that?"

Smiling, the cop answered "Yeah, Santa brought me the
horse."

"Tell him next year the prick goes under the horse, not
on top."

Funny - Intelligent Quotes

Intelligent Quotes

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

“If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.” – George Bush