Humor Jokes

Humor Section: Find new jokes and funny stuff. Add your own or comment on existing ones.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Funny Humor - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

I realize the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the driveway is flooded,
the car isn't washed,
the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
there is still only one check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Funny Humor - Beer VS. Women

*A BEER is always wet... point for the BEER!
*The BEER is horrible if its hot... point for the WOMAN!
*A frozen BEER satisfies you... point for the BEER!
*If you return to your house smelling to BEER, your woman can get angry, but If you arrive at house smelling to WOMEN, your woman will be angry for sure and she can maybe left you... Tie!... since it depends of the point of view. Wink
*Ten BEERS in one night and later you wont be able to drive to yourhouse. Ten WOMEN in one night and there is no need to go nowhere else... point for the WOMAN.
*If a police feels that you smell like BEER, he can arrest you, if the police feels that you smell like WOMEN he will invite you a beer.. point for the WOMAN!
*The beer, while is older is better... point for the BEER!
*Many BEERS can make you see UFOs, many WOMEN can make you see God... point for the WOMAN!
*If you ask yourself how will be your next WOMAN you are normal. If you ask yourself how will be your next BEER, you are an alcoholic man... point for the WOMAN!
*Taking off the label of a BEER is amused. Taking off the trousers of a WOMAN is so much amused... point for the WOMAN!
*You pay taxes for beer... point for the WOMAN.
*If you take another BEER, first one does not get angry... point for the BEER!
*You can assure that you are first in "opening" a BEER... point for the BEER!
*If you shake a BEER, after awhile calms for itself... point for the BEER!
*Clear, dark, at any time you can choose the BEER that you want... point for the BEER!
*You know exactly how much it will cost you a BEER... point for the BEER!
*The BEER doesnt have a mother... point for the BEER!
*You can do it if you want, but a BEER will not request to hug or embrace it during half hour after you have taken it... point for the BEER!

FINAL SCORE: The BEER wins the battle! (10 to 7)

**If you are a WOMAN and at this moment this is making you feel angry, remember that the beer doesnt care about this battle... Another point for the BEER!

lets go to celebrate the victory with the winner!

xxx Pictures - Drunk Pussy

xxx Pictures - Drunk Pussy

Monday, October 30, 2006

Funny Picture - Microsoft Word for Blondes

New Microsoft Word for Blondes - Funny Picture

In case you didn't knew this is Microsoft Word for Blondes.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Funny Picture - new Computer for women

new computer for women

Some might consider I'm just mean but I had to share with you this picture . :)) It's the new computer for women , for all of you who believe that a women's place is in the kitchen I'm sure you will find this amusing , but don't forget this photo is here just for laughs , a women should be next to a man always ... next to you ;)

Amazint Picture - Amazing Video Games Collection

These Amazing pictures can proove one thing , indeed there is a person more addicted to games (video games) then me. I wouldn't believe it possible before I have seen these picture.

Anyway this collection is huge , when we talk about game addiction we should probably ask first the owner of this big collection. He has everything , every game console known to man kind (PS2 / XBOX / PSP / PSX / DC / GBA / PSP / Nintendo DS and much more) and bought an impressive games collection (even though most might by doubles but on different game platforms).

Amazing addicted-to-games - PS2 / XBOX / PSP / PSX / DC / GBA / PSP / Nintendo DS

Funny game-addicted

Picture game addiction -fun overview

Photo showing game consoles addicted

Cool game library thousands

Awesome game library thousands upon thousands

playstation 2 ps2 PS2 Play Station II game console fan

Microsoft xbox game collection amazing video games

Friday, October 27, 2006

Funny Picture - Photoshopped Animals

Funny Picture - Acrobatic Climber Puppy

Funny Picture - Photoshop of waht wolves do when no one is watching to sheep, this is a well done photoshopped picture , a high quality image edited in detail in Photoshop.

Did you ever wonder why wolves eat sheeps ? Well they just get bored of playing with them probably :) . Check out the other cool photoshopped pictures that make this animals look more then funny.

Photoshopped Hot Monkey Chick

This Cat was apparently hungry. With little photoshop knowledge anyone can add font text message to their picture thus making it funny and the final image will be a total masterpiece
This funny picture doesn't have a big trace of photoshop activity , and most likely athe owner just caught his cat near the keyboard and photographed it , but with a photo there always come adjusting , but why adjust red eye and color levels , hue or saturation when you can add a clever and funny message that will make your photoshopped picture speak a thousand words.

Funny Picture done with photoshop latest version with few digital effects and usefull plugins that features a squirl . This is one funny picture

Funny squirl addicted to alcohol and tobaco (cigarettes). Now I guess mankind has an excuse for not beeing perfect :)) .

You know when people say they can tell or at least assume someones character only by looking at his/hers appeareance , well so did you. Just look at this funny photoshopped chip monkey. Photoshop is written all over

Related Links:

Photoshopped funny animal artwork

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Art Ilusions

Art Ilusions are great graphics , also called amazing art wich will always fascinate mankind because the artwork is just impressive. Usually graphics like these can be found on dazzling top collections and maybe among with optical illusions wich are graphic images that mostly use the same principles.

Art Ilusions usualy feature things that can't exist in real life, and landscapes with hidden stuff in it. Many images can be turned upside down , this way you will see something completly different. In these ilusions of art mysterious pictures that let you guess what it is are the favourites of many art lovers , and there's a whole lot more .

Art Ilusion
Art Graphic Ilussion
Amazing Art
Amazing Art Ilusion
Great Graphic Ilusion
Great Ilusion Images

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Funny - Practical Advice - Crosswalk

Cross Walk button. How to set it before time; How to hack it

"Instant Walk."

Three short clicks, followed by two long, one short, two long, and three short; turn any crosswalk signal from "don't walk" to "walk" with a matching change in the traffic signals.

easy way to remember


3 backwards....then back up

Monday, October 23, 2006

Funny Picture - Anti Electronic Arts

Against Electronic Arts Game Company

This is a hidden message written in the so called leet writing . If you replace 3 with an "e" and the 5 with and "S" , you will get to read the hidden message. Enjoy this funny hidden message.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Funny Picture - Forbidden Love

I am not talking about a love between a couple like Romeo and Juliette but between these wonderfull creatures:

a dog and a cat;

Friday, October 20, 2006

Funny Picture - BMW The ultimate atraction

Choosing between a perfect car and a perfect woman ... hmm .. why not have both together ? :P

BMW Advertisment - The ultimate atraction funny picture

This funnny picture was an actual advertisment in one of BMW campaigns. So study this ultimate atraction and leave a laugh !

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Funny Picture - Pink Tank

Promote Love - Pink Tank Picture

Although this picture was most likely photoshoped I think the message it send us is obvious:

"Embrace Love not war!" . Anyway nice funny picture ! the ideea of a pink tank is just crazy :)) .

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Funny Animation - About how Santa knows how to deliver gifts

Chirstmas Spirit ! Santa's unknown method of choosing the persons on the naughty list

I bet all of you have wondered how Santa Claus did choose who to gave a piece of coal (naughty children) and how to distribute the rest of the presents. Well our elf friend will tell us .. Shh.. Don't tell it to anyone else and watch yourself a whole year .... you might get the exact gift you always dreamed of !

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Funny Video - Windows Vista Delay

Did you ever wonder why Microsoft is taking this long to release Microsoft Windows Vista. You probably are all familiar with most goofs from microsoft presentations back when they presented the earliest windows and a blue screen apeared during the presentation.

Well watch this video and see them present their new voice recognition system. It's hillarious and very funny . You won't stop laughing.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Jokes - Three Sisters

Three Sisters,ages 92,94, and 96,live together.
one night the 96 year old draws a bath.She puts
one foot in and pauses."Was I getting in the tub or out?"She yells.
The 94 year old hollers back,"I don't know,I will come and see"
She starts up the stairsand stops.She shouts "Was I going up or coming down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea,listening to her sisters.She shakes her head and says,"I sure hope I never get that forgeful,"
and knocks on wood for good measure.
Then she yells,"I will come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at
the door"!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Funny Picture - Women and Weight

Mom had a weight issue!

Mom had a weight issue ... :P

Jokes - Cop Joke

A little girl was riding her shiney new bike when she
came upon a policeman on a horse. The officer smiled
and said "Nice bike! Did Santa bring you that?"

The girl beamed with pride as she she said "Yes sir."

The cop looked over the bike then handed her a safety
violation. "Tell Santa to put a reflector on it next

The little girl took the ticket and looked up at the
cop, "Nice horse! Did Santa bring you that?"

Smiling, the cop answered "Yeah, Santa brought me the

"Tell him next year the prick goes under the horse, not
on top."

Funny - Intelligent Quotes

Intelligent Quotes

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

“If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.” – George Bush

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Online Funny Image Generator

I read on a blog an article about how you can make some really funny pictures (maybe soon we all could generate funny flash animation like that gotowned domain). Anyway the site name is

As example, below is an image of Napoleon Bonaparte, Emperor of the French and King of Italy, looking unamused at a subordinate. You can now make the famous Napoleon Bonaparte say anything you want with this image generator.

Online Funny Images

Make Your own Funny Images ! Easy and Fast

(Online Funny Images)

Friday, October 13, 2006

Jokes - Sister Of Mercy

Sister Of Mercy

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 10 Miles. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 5 Miles and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup. This nun instructs "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

Go in Peace, You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Fifty funny things to do in an exam

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc. . ).

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i. e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)

26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"

32. Bring a water pistol with you.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit. "

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

41. One word: Wrestlemania.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think. " Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx is a Terrible Teacher"

Jokes - The drunk and the priest

ARTHRITIS? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to The priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?" The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, Being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," Then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what He had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Funny - Nine Reasons to get drunk

9 Reasons to Get Drunk

1. Your girlfriend left you
2. It is Tuesday
3. Someone dies
4. A sports team somewhere wins something
5. It is free
6. It is hot/cold/snowing/raining/nice outside
7. You haven’t seen a friend since last week
8. It is past noon
9. Because beer commercials do come true

(This could proove as an excessive excuse for the alchoolics)

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Funny Picture - Tall Women

Funny Tall Women Pictures and photos

Women are our life partners in life and we can't live without them but what do you do when the love of your life is bigger particulary taller then you. For a fact it is known that men are intimidated (not scared but against the ideea of) women larger particulary taller then them. What to do .. ? :)) Anyway I think these women have a height written in the guiness world book of records as they are pretty tall and I find this funny.

Funny tall girls photos and pictures

(Funny photos of tall women)

Monday, October 09, 2006

Funny Picture - You Rock , You Rule

You Rock!  You Rule!

The popular kid or the cool one will always be congratulated using one of these expressions: "You rock!" or "You rule!" . I bet you got congratulated like this many times , but did you ever try to picture it ?

This is a funny picture showing just that : "You rock! You rule! "

Funny Picture - Caught Up Between

Caught Up

Look carefully at this photo and you will see this kid that is literarly caught up between what appears to be his mom and dad. Wow! Amazing ! Don't you just hate when something like this happens ?

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Funny - Letter to mom and dad (for parents)

Dear Mother and Dad:

It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down... Okay?

Well, then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival, are pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get three headaches a day.

Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it is kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.

Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am now taking daily.

I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambtious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know you expressed tolerence will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good, too for I am told that his father is an important gunbearer in the village in Africa from which he comes.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have syphillis and there is no boyfriend in my life. However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in Science, and I wanted you to see these marks in the proper perspective.

Your loving daughter,

Funny - 30 Things Guys Want Girls To Know

30 Things Guys Want Girls To Know!!

1. We're not as perverted as you think we all are.

2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a LOSER.

3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.

4. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.

5. Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.....

6. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reason's we're going out
with you.

7. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.

8. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's
that time of the month and nothing more.

9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our
mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.

10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.

11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It's just

12. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us,
if you don't.

13. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.

14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, 98
Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.

15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least
we can stand up and go pee.

16. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you
don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."

17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be
nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that
you love us.

18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans

19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get
what you wish for.

20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". That's
just mean.

21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when
we believe you.

22. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours
better anyway.

23. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a

24. PMS is not an excuse.

25. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put
it up when you're done.

26............ Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That
doesn't turn us on.

27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his
stomach..... and maybe....oh nevermind.

28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be that comfy with your
friends, but to us it's just wrong.

29. We always notice how funny it is after you rip out our heart, stick it down our throat and still want to be friends.

30. And last but not least: We know you're not always right, but we'll
pretend like you are anyway.............

Saturday, October 07, 2006

R. Kelly - In the Closet

The 12 part video clip of R Kelly's musical genius.

First things first as a user on you tube is saying in the UK when some one comes out of the closet it means they are gay and they want to tell everyone.. You might also ask yourself if this is genuinely for real?

I don't know (probably not) but who cares . It is so captivating that you are almost determined to see them all. These episodes are so addictive that you can't wait for the conclution! Its terrible but at the same time it is great.

Quote wakeyskate:
Shows you can make an rnb song out of anything, my personal favourite was the bit 'i tryed my best to quickly put it on viiiibrraaattee!' lol well funny

Friday, October 06, 2006

Fitness Cica

You might consider me a little mean but I just wanted to show you this video that I am sure many will find it funny . Anyway my opinion is that she is definately doing the right thing . To bad it is kind of late . She should have done fitness , jogging , running and any other kind of exercise a long time ago , but there is never to late.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Jokes - Cannibals

A large company recently hired several cannibals as it was expanding quickly
and couldn't find enough Australian staff.

Picture of several cannibals

"You are all part of our team now", said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the canteen on the ground floor for something to eat, but please don't eat any of our other employees". The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared... Do any of you know what happened to her ?"

The cannibals all shook their heads "No". After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary ?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool !" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything.

But, NOOO, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something !"

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Funny Picture - Fat Giraffe

Hmm look at the funny picture below .. The picture is obviously photoshoped but hmm maybe it's for real .. I bet they got a new McDonalds in Africa :P

Fat giraffe , McDonalds now in Africa

(Funny picture featuring a fat giraffe .. maybe it shouldn't be called a giraffe since giraffes by definitions are tall and skinny ??? )

Funny Cow Costume

Did you ever wonder what costume to wear for Halloween or for a costume party ? Well you should think about this one : a cow costume .. The cow costume even got its own pairs of udders ...

cow costume

(funny picture of a cow costume)

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Funny Picture - April Fools Joke

Funny Picture - April Fools Joke in Mexic

Nice picture to send to your friends on 1st April to remind them that April Fools is not what it used to me , now we make mostly clean jokes and we don't manage to scare them like this man was. ;)

Monday, October 02, 2006

Funny Picture - American Geography Knowledge

World seen in an american's eyes

Yes indeed , this first picture is a map of the world as an average american would see it. Quite funny , right?

War determines Americans to find out new country names

Effect of war . Who said war was only bad , it has now been reported to contribute to the development of an elevated state of mind.

Funny Picture - Pluto is not a planet

As you may all know Pluto is no longer considered to be a planet for some time. Let's see what Pluto has to say about this...

Sunday, October 01, 2006

World Cup Joke

World Cup Joke

A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty." This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away.

This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1966 in London."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."

Funny Humor

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