Saturday, December 30, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Merry Christmas Everybody and a Happy New Year ! I won't be posting very much on holidays as I will be in vacation away from home .
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from Ontario.This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin’ license,boy?”
The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said “This ain’t no Quebec duck.
This duck’s from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?”
The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Manitoba duck. This here duck’s from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin’ license?”
Again the Sardar reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.
The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Sardar “Just where the hell are you from?”
The Sardar smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “You tell me, you’re the expert.”
Sunday, December 17, 2006
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins.
14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
1. The only jokes you receive are through email (OUCH)
2. At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights.
3. Buying flowers for your girlfriend/boyfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma
4. If you find that you have to often explain how to use the gifts you have given other people.
5. Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room
6. In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure
7. The Salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
8. You are always late to meetings
9. You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling
10. You are next in line on death row in a French Prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly, so you offer to fix it.
11. You bought your wife/husband a new CD ROM drive for her birthday
12. You forget to get a haircut (for 6 months!)
13. You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
14. You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting
15. You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
16. You comment to your wife/husband that her straight hair is nice and parallel
17. You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects
18. You have Dilbert comics/paphanelia displayed anywhere in your work area
19. You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
20. You have more friends on the internet than in real life
21. You have backed up your hard drive
22. You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
23. You have used coat hangars and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
24. You know what http:// stands for
25. You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
26. You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
27. You see a good design and still have to change it
28. You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring
29. You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it
30. You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory
31. You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
32. You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)
33. You window shop at Radio Shack
34. You're in the backseat of your car, she/he is looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite
35. Your checkbook always balances
36. Your laptop computer costs more than your car
37. Your wife/husband hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work
38. Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz pentium
39. You've already calculated how much you make per second
40. You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio
41. Your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4.Chocolate
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes hrough three phases.In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch,flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree". A Christmas tree?"
"Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the farmer just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Texas baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!" One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious.
"What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his Budweiser beer, wipes his
Lips 0n his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Ah Had'm circumcised!"
One smart ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition
that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose , their forbidden love, and subsequent
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica , their forbidden love, and subsequent
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill .
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose 's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica .
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica 's forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Monica .
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica ...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary ..basically the same thing.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
Fake TV report sends Belgium into a panic
Belgian TV broadcast a fake news program that sent the country into a panic.» Details
A huge phony newscast was reported as the "Flemish parliament has unilaterally declared the independence of Flanders" and it is said that King Albert and Queen Paola had left on the first air force plane available because of this belgium fake revolution that got announced over the news what was actually Belgium Independence Hoax.
There's no revolution in Belgium. Really!
Suddenly and shockingly, Belgium came to an end. State television broke into regular programming late Wednesday with an urgent bulletin: The Dutch-speaking half of the country had declared independence and the king and queen had fled. Grainy pictures from the military airport showed dark silhouettes of a royal entourage boarding a plane.
Frantic viewers flooded the call center of the RTBF.
"Ambassadors who were worried asked what they had to tell their capitals," said Senate Chair Anne-Marie Lizin. "This fiction was seen as a reality and it created a catastrophic image of the country."
The Belgium Independence Hoax was a stunt aired by Broadcasters.
You might imagine that the only people who enjoyed this program that was intended to be humorous in some way were the separatist far-right Flemish Interest party.
Fake TV report sends Belgium into a panic
Thursday, December 14, 2006
"The bigger they are, Aaron, the sillier the lady is," explains Renee.
Aaron is pleased with her answer and goes away to play. But 5 minutes later he returns to tell Renee that many of the men have larger things than his dad has.
"The bigger they are, Aaron, the dumber the man is," explains Renee.
He is again very pleased with her answer and goes back to play.
5 minutes later, Aaron is back again and promptly tells Renee, "Mum, dad is talking to the silliest lady on the beach and the longer he talks to her, the dumber he gets."
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
If a tornado hits your home and causes $10,000 dollars worth of improvement.
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia boss.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
The waiter looks at her and keeping a straight face says, "Of course, madam, which way was it headed?"
"Yossel," says the psychiatrist, "because your desire to put your penis in the pickle slicer is so powerful, the only way to get over it is to actually do it."
"OK," says Yossel, "I’ll do it first thing tomorrow morning at work. I promise."
And next day, Yossel does what he promised. But at 11am, he arrives back at his house. This worries his wife Sarah and she asks him why he’s home so early. Yossel tells her for the first time about his desire; that he couldn't take it any more, and that today he did it and got fired as a result.
Sarah gasps, runs over to him, pulls down his trousers and pants – and sees his shlong perfectly normal and intact. She looks up at him and says, "I don't understand, Yossel, what happened to the pickle slicer?"
"She got fired too," replies Yossel
Complement people on their shoes.
Introduce yourself to the person in the next stall. Strike up a conversation.
Provide 'strenuous' sound-effects.
Ask the person in the next stall if there's anything swimming in THEIR bowl.....
Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives.
Scream " Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?"
Simulate a drug deal.
Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects).
Roll Easter Eggs under the doors.
Start a sing-a-long.
Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy....
Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.
Ask loudly "When does the movie start?"
Write 'nerdy' graffitti like "Please wash your hands. Thank you."
Kick in stall doors, camera in hand.
Pour water over the stall door onto occupant.
Say "Oops.... missed" while syringing water out around the bowl and under the walls and door into other stalls.
Fake an orgasm.
At night, switch off the lights.
Run around naked yelling "Where's the fish?"
Collect a door charge.
Ask "Is there a doctor in the house?"
Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing.
Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python/axolotl.
Write essay questions on the toilet paper.
Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl.
Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper.
Run in, yelling "Free Willy!"
Electrify metal urinals.
Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl.
One word: GOLDFISH.
Make a jello in the bowl.
Place a sign advertising "Driver's side airbags" as standard.
Remove stall doors.
Glue seat and cover down to bowl.
Place signs warning of hour video surveillance.
Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE.
Put itching powder on the toilet seats.
Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl.
Replace soap in dispenser with custard.
Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available.
Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install.
Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa).
In one stall, attach the toilet bowl to roof. (Advice for young players: Don't leave the water in while you do this....)
Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .. ... they're cramming for their final ex am.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Monday, December 11, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Nowadays ventriloquists are not that popular anymore , but stay with me and watch this little footage to bring up good old quality humor .
This is so funny that you may want to try to be a ventriloquist. Well speaking and not moving your lips may proove harder then it looks like . Indeed there were some special courses that ventriloquists had to follow in order to have a grade A performance.
Performed on "The Ed Sullivan Show" on November 3, 1957. Available on "The Very Best of The Ed Sullivan Show Volume 2"
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
The clerk tries to calm her down and asks, Did you do what I told you to do?
Yes, dammit! I got naked, lay back on my bed, and put him between my legs just like you said, and he did nothing!she shouts.
The owner, looking confused, replies, well that`s a perfectly trained frog. I can`t understand what`s wrong.
He takes the woman and the frog to a back room in the shop, where he places the frog on a small table next to a bed and asks the woman to please lie down and remove her panties.
Turning to the frog, he says, Now watch carefully, because this is the last time I`m showing you this!
Sony Unveils New Self-Destructive
Tokyo - Many industry analysts have wondered which way Sony would go in the copyright protection debate. Sony manufactures both hardware, which is harmed by piracy controls, and entertainment, which is helped by piracy controls. A recent release of a self-destructive DVD player shows that the entertainment division is winning that internal argument.
"Large amounts of pirated material were hopefully destroyed in the blaze," said MPAA officials.
"Copy protection has been foiled too easily by pirates, and we need to do something more effective," said Sony Entertainment vice-president Harold Wang. "Self-destructive DVDs have been tried, but rejected by consumers. We feel that consumers will embrace the self-destructive DVD players, because it gives them that Mission Impossible I've-got-the-latest-gadget feeling. We even have the player say 'This DVD player will self-destruct in 10 seconds.'"
Wang addressed the safety concerns of destroying a DVD player: "Sure there are safety issues, but most homes are equipped with smoke detectors these days, and are chock full of pirated material which would be destroyed in the blaze. OK, their house might burn down, but isn't that a small price to pay to combat piracy?"
Monday, December 04, 2006
Eventually she turns to him and asks him if his friend is late.
"well actually" he says "this is a special watch that i got from Q and it speaks to me telepathically."
"and what is it telling you?" asks the beautiful woman.
"That you are not wearing any knickers this evening" replies James.
"well" said the woman, "it must be broken because i am wearing knickers."
"DAMN" said James, "Must have set it an hour fast this morning!"
breakups funny photos
revenge from angry women (women scorned) after a bitter brakeup
Sunday, December 03, 2006
(ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
(kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
(dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
(el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
(frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
(lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
(peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
(pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
(tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
The words don't exist but these words make a lot of sense :P .
Saturday, December 02, 2006
You'll notice it is quite hard to spell the requested word correctly as what happens is your right brain and left brain get in conflict , while you try to say the colour of the word out loud instead of the actual word wich is part of the colour listing.
X-ServerList user please come here for original content and bookmark your entertainment resource
Friday, December 01, 2006
Interesting argument of the day
By Nick Farrell: Wednesday 29 November 2006, 08:38
ONE OF THE lawyers involved in defending cases bought against people by the RIAA claims that if the music industry wins a crucial case, the Internet will have to be switched off.
Speaking on the DefectiveByDesign anti-DRM campaign site, Ray Beckerman said the case of Electro vs. Barker has become very important for the web's future.
Barker was being defended by Beckerman who made a motion to dismiss the case because the RIAA had forgot to provide any acts or dates or times of copyright infringement as the law normally requires.
The RIAA argued that by merely making files available on the Internet Barker was making a copyright infringement.
Beckerman said that it was a shocking argument because if it were accepted by the court it would probably shut down the entire Internet. If you send any file on the Net the RIAA will be allowed to suspect that you are in breach of copyright.
What was more disturbing is that the RIAA called up its mates in Washington to back it up. Apparently the United States Government has put in motions supporting the RIAA.
LMAO It's a global thing - what are they going to do pull the plug worldwide? How can they shut down the internet? How are they even going to do it in America? Shut down ISP providers? Stop the public from subscribing to ISPs? I bet you that would break some Constitutional rights. It would be interesting to actually compare the tax revenue generated by the ISP subscriptions to the tax revenue generated by the movie/recording industries etc. The fact is that the media copying is damaging the profit margin of the artists ( debatably ) , developers & companies involved in the production of software/games/music/movies and someone is taking a hit to the pocket that they can probably afford but don't actually like so something has to be done or at least be seen to be being done. Talk about shutting down the internet is ludicrous and scare-mongering drivel.
Although this seems worrying I think it's plain funny that they decided to tell such stories that internet could be possibly shut down as a solution.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and ‘post-it’ notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. That’s why I’m applying.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO 50lbs?: 50lbs. of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Check out this baby learning to handle a Sony PSP. He had to choose between the best portable consoles : PSP. Enjoy this humorous video where the baby handles the PSP well (to bad we can't see him play a game .. that would have been nice)
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Saturday, November 25, 2006
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.
3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.
4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels.
6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.
8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.
9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.
10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"
12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?"
13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.
14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away.
15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.
17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.
18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.
19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.
So, I went up to him and I said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket!
This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults at him, the more tickets he wrote ...
But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner ...
Friday, November 24, 2006
Travelling to a local beauty spot bordering a farmers field they found the same spot where they had made love 50 years ago. After some initial fourplay the man turns the woman round and pushes her up against the fence post, grabs hold of the fence for a bit support and takes her from behind.
After ten minutes of frantic thrashing sex he finally finishes and the woman turns roud to him saying " You didnt make love to me like that 50 years ago"
"50 years ago that bloody fence wasnt electrified!" he replied.
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. It could not only dispense drinks flawlessly, but also, like any bartender, engage in appropriate conversation.
A man enters the bar, orders a drink.
The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, then asks him:
"What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "150."
And the robot proceeds to make conversation about Quantum physics, string theory, atomic chemistry, etc.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."
He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.
Again, the robot serves him the drink and asks him:
"What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "100."
And immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, etc.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robotone more test.
He goes back in, the robot serves him, asks:
"What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "50."
And the robot says, "So, you gonna vote for Bush again?"
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday"
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame..what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
The AOL Car
1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."
Monday, November 20, 2006
This is a dude that has mastered the art of playing guitar. Not only that but he plays two at once.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he
entered it in the race again, and it won again. The
local newspaper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity
that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in
The next day, the local newspaper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the
pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to
give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper,
hearing of the news, posted the following headline the
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would
have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a
farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the
nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains
where it could run wild. The next day the headlines
NUN ANNOUNCES...HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Buying a PS3 and smashing it infront of lots of PS3 Fanboys.
In my country PS3 isn't on the shelves and I saw all the comotion and the huge huge lines of gamers that wait to buy such a console so I consider this video insane funny.
I love this video and i bet you will too . You can also check their site , now this is what I call advertisment :)).
Enjoy To All PS3 Haters and Smile
Friday, November 17, 2006
"High-speed modem?" questions the judge.
"Yes" replies the lawyer, "It allows computers to communicate over vast distances at high rates of speed. It allows email and something called cybersex in AOL chatrooms, your honor."
"Cybersex?" says the judge, "You mean sex through a modem? You mean sex on a monitor? Good lord, the morals of this society! Sex should be a natural event of nature!"
"Secondly, my lord," continues the lawyer, "My client can produce a receipt for the 12-speed cd-rom."
"12-speed cd-rom?" queries the judge.
"Yes my lord, it enables millions of bits of information to be read off a small disk."
"And I suppose most of this *information* is cybersex related ... Modern technology and modern society, baffling, just baffling," comments the judge. "I'm appalled at what technology is doing to society these days."
"Thirdly my lord, my client can produce a receipt for the super deluxe inflatable milk maid, whatever *that* is."
"That's the one with the silicone breasts and real hair," replies the judge.
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the garden by my mom's. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why?
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right over to my mom's house. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the same as when I left it.
Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.
Today Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast. Must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger.
Good night, Dear Diary.
This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!"
"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"
"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset....Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!"
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."? "Pencil,"
however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into
two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for
themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its
The men group decided that "computer" should definitely be
of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory
for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(No chuckling... this gets better!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ("el computer"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the
time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had
waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, Put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
26. No, it does not matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.
31. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
44. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.
46. What the hell is a doily?
Monday, November 13, 2006
Subject description: i welcome our pork-eating robot overlords
But when some smart aleck reporter placed his hand in the robot's omnivorous clanking jaw, he was identified as bacon. A cameraman then tried and was identified as prosciutto.
Let the robot holocaust commence: robots think we taste like bacon.
Researchers at NEC System technologies and Mie University have designed the cute little guy to the right: a metal man gastronomist, "an electromechanical sommelier", capable of identifying wines, cheeses, meats and hors d'oeuvres.
- Read the full story @:
Well I for one welcome our metallic superiors.
I volunteer to round up humans and place them into cages to be used as sustenance for our robotic saviors
This was also posted on Slashdot... The first comment there was funny :
The robot is right
And that's all I'm going to say.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Walking up behind her he says, "Hi, there, good lookin'? How's it going?"
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, . . . "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean it just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-ass love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding. I'm a lawyer, too. What firm are you with?"
Friday, November 10, 2006
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Toilet..! hmmm..I mean..it is not luxurious as we might think. It’s very similiar to mine though accept for the Windows 98 toilet roll. I think he will upgraded it with Windows Vista later. The toilet might have bugs a little there then.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
I recently got the chance to photograph two hardware pieces : a mouse and what appears to be an old keyboard . I stood for like ten seconds at least with a big wow on my face. It's then when I remembered the good old time that I had playing dos games on my 386 . Also I remembered the trouble my old pc gave me as the hardware become older.
As I looked closely at the mouse I realise it has to be old not only because it was dusty and was put along with other old stuff but firstly because of its square design. I read a long time ago about the first mouse release from Xerox company. That mouse got bought by Bill Gates from Microsoft. Anyway as you probably figured that was a squarish design with only one button and with a lack of style and proper design , so this mouse wasn't that far back old but none the less it was old.
Put right next to it was another computer piece with I didn't knew what to think. It looked like a keyboard but could it be?? Anyway I will call it a keyboard as it had keys and even though it differs a lot from a today's keyboard it is somehow funny to see how things were in the past compared to what we have now. I think after seeing these pictures anyone will apreciate more what he/she has.
Spread the word , and make the pictures seen ;)
(btw I have included pictures of some other old stuff lying around)
A furious light sabre duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER toward the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
Darth Vader: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."
Luke: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"
Darth Vader: "No! I am your father!"
Luke: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."
Darth Vader: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true."
Darth Vader: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?"
Darth Vader: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old."
Darth Vader: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp."
Luke: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!"
Darth Vader: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!"
Luke: "Well, it's not my fault."
Darth Vader: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith .... waahhh wahhh!'"
Luke: "Shut up."
Darth Vader: "You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!"
Luke: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!"
Darth Vader: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor, 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby! Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.
Darth Vader: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine."
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him.
Darth Vader: "And get a haircut!"
Monday, November 06, 2006
02. Smart man + dumb woman = Pregnancy
03. Dumb man + smart woman = Affair
04. Dumb man + dumb woman = Marriage
05. Smart boss + smart employee = Profit
06. Smart boss + dumb employee = Production
07. Dumb boss + smart employee = Promotion
08. Dumb boss + dumb employee = Overtime
09. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
10. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
11. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him
12. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
sex with animals, but the animals must be female.
Having sexual relations with a male animal is
punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine
a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from
looking directly at them during the examination. He
may only see their reflection in a mirror.
Muslims are banned from looking at the
genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers;
the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a
brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is
decapitation. (Wonder which head?)
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is
to travel the countryside and deflower young
virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex
for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is
expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job
anywhere else in the world that even comes
close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally
allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do
so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the
other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool,
England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex
with her husband, and the first time this happens, her
mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a
man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the
same time. (I presume this was a big enough
problem that they had to pass this law?)
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms
from vending machines with one exception:
prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine
only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for
consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? ... Not as great as Guam!)
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Seattle, WA (AHN) - A school bus driver, whose name has not been released, was fired for allegedly flipping her middle finger at President Bush's motorcade with students aboard last June. This week, according to an AP report, the woman filed a union grievance to get her job back.
The 43-year-old bus driver was bringing students home from a field trip to a local zoo when a motorcade carrying President Bush and Republican Dave Reichert overtook them.
Students extended their arms from the windows to wave at the presidential motorcade. According to reports, Bush and Reichert waved back.
But the driver to the school bus extended an less than hospitable middle finger at the passing entourage, said Reichert and Issaquah superintendent Janet Barry who learned of the event after the driver allegedly boasted about the encounter and the finger incident to colleagues.
According to Reichert spokesperson Kimberly Cadena, "The congressman hadn't seen it, but the President turned to him and said, 'That one's not a fan.'"
If you read teh rest of the article, she wasn't really terminated because of giving Bush the finger, it was doing it in front of a bus full of kids.
I agree with that, but I think it's hilarious that the president was flipped off.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red
sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's licence. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realise you were a cop."
Other blonde jokes:
26 May 2006 by TopHumor
"Yes sweetie, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied. The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she ... "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No sweetheart, it's because you're 25."
Quite funny blonde joke
26 Jun 2006 by TopHumor
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip to Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level. ...
Jokes - Blondes on a Bus
23 Jul 2006 by TopHumor
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your Name, can you hear it?" ...
Jokes - Brunette Logic for Blonde Lovers
23 Aug 2006 by TopHumor
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next ...
Jokes - Best Blonde Jokes ( Top 2 - Most Rated)
26 Jul 2006 by TopHumor
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma`am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?"
Jokes - Blonde Indecent Exposure
Having reached the age of 62, I went to apply for thr Pension last week.
After waiting in line for a very long time, I finally got to the counter.
The woman there asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized, to my great dismay, that I had left my wallet on the nightstand in my bedroom.
I told the lady that I was very sorry, but I seemed to have left my wallet at home.
"I'll have to go get it and come back later," I said.
At that point, she said to me,
"Unbutton your shirt."
I was confused, but I opened my shirt, revealing lots of curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and, with that, she promptly processed my application.
When I got home, I couldn't wait to tell my wife about my experience At the Pension Office.
She listened to the whole story and then said,
"You should have dropped your pants, you might have gotten disability too"
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
I realize the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the driveway is flooded,
the car isn't washed,
the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
there is still only one check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
*The BEER is horrible if its hot... point for the WOMAN!
*A frozen BEER satisfies you... point for the BEER!
*If you return to your house smelling to BEER, your woman can get angry, but If you arrive at house smelling to WOMEN, your woman will be angry for sure and she can maybe left you... Tie!... since it depends of the point of view. Wink
*Ten BEERS in one night and later you wont be able to drive to yourhouse. Ten WOMEN in one night and there is no need to go nowhere else... point for the WOMAN.
*If a police feels that you smell like BEER, he can arrest you, if the police feels that you smell like WOMEN he will invite you a beer.. point for the WOMAN!
*The beer, while is older is better... point for the BEER!
*Many BEERS can make you see UFOs, many WOMEN can make you see God... point for the WOMAN!
*If you ask yourself how will be your next WOMAN you are normal. If you ask yourself how will be your next BEER, you are an alcoholic man... point for the WOMAN!
*Taking off the label of a BEER is amused. Taking off the trousers of a WOMAN is so much amused... point for the WOMAN!
*You pay taxes for beer... point for the WOMAN.
*If you take another BEER, first one does not get angry... point for the BEER!
*You can assure that you are first in "opening" a BEER... point for the BEER!
*If you shake a BEER, after awhile calms for itself... point for the BEER!
*Clear, dark, at any time you can choose the BEER that you want... point for the BEER!
*You know exactly how much it will cost you a BEER... point for the BEER!
*The BEER doesnt have a mother... point for the BEER!
*You can do it if you want, but a BEER will not request to hug or embrace it during half hour after you have taken it... point for the BEER!
FINAL SCORE: The BEER wins the battle! (10 to 7)
**If you are a WOMAN and at this moment this is making you feel angry, remember that the beer doesnt care about this battle... Another point for the BEER!
FINAL MARKER 11 To 7!
lets go to celebrate the victory with the winner!
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Some might consider I'm just mean but I had to share with you this picture . :)) It's the new computer for women , for all of you who believe that a women's place is in the kitchen I'm sure you will find this amusing , but don't forget this photo is here just for laughs , a women should be next to a man always ... next to you ;)
Anyway this collection is huge , when we talk about game addiction we should probably ask first the owner of this big collection. He has everything , every game console known to man kind (PS2 / XBOX / PSP / PSX / DC / GBA / PSP / Nintendo DS and much more) and bought an impressive games collection (even though most might by doubles but on different game platforms).
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Other Alcohol related topics:
WARNING - Alcohol Consumption
Funny - Nine Reasons to get drunk
Dont get this drunk
Help the drunk get Home
And of course let's not forget some good jokes about drunk people and alcohol consumption:
Jokes - The drunk and the priest
Jokes - Drink for free - Drunk advice to use hot dog
Friday, October 27, 2006
Did you ever wonder why wolves eat sheeps ? Well they just get bored of playing with them probably :) . Check out the other cool photoshopped pictures that make this animals look more then funny.
This funny picture doesn't have a big trace of photoshop activity , and most likely athe owner just caught his cat near the keyboard and photographed it , but with a photo there always come adjusting , but why adjust red eye and color levels , hue or saturation when you can add a clever and funny message that will make your photoshopped picture speak a thousand words.
Funny squirl addicted to alcohol and tobaco (cigarettes). Now I guess mankind has an excuse for not beeing perfect :)) .
Photoshopped funny animal artwork