Humor Jokes

Humor Section: Find new jokes and funny stuff. Add your own or comment on existing ones.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Cyanide and Happiness comics

Cyanide and Happiness comics

I think they are awesome and thought I would post one for people to see...

Its lame (kind of lame if one doesn't have that kind of humor... ) funny but I love it...

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Cool - Efes Pilsen

Efes Pilsen

Man some people have waaay too much spare time.
Very cool though.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Funny - Mcdonalds job application

This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald’s restaurant in Florida; and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.


LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and ‘post-it’ notes.


AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. That’s why I’m applying.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?


DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.



Monday, November 27, 2006

Funny Video - Portable Gaming experience

I guess that now you should proffit of all the time you could get in order to still have a chance to become an elite in the gaming world as most of teens are preparing for a long time.

Check out this baby learning to handle a Sony PSP. He had to choose between the best portable consoles : PSP. Enjoy this humorous video where the baby handles the PSP well (to bad we can't see him play a game .. that would have been nice)

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Funny Flash Game - Lust for Bust

Play this funny flash game: Lust for Bust . Personally I didn't finish it but if you do please share the time and/or method ;) .

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Humor - The world without

Aeronautical Engineers funny picture

Communication Engineers Top Rated Funny
Top Computer Engineers Funny Picture
Electronics Engineers very funny
Mechanical Engineers Humor

Drive Thru Fun

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.
3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.
4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels.
6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.
8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.
9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.
10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"
12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?"
13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.
14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away.
15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.
17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.
18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.
19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

Humor - Having fun with cops

Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket ...

So, I went up to him and I said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket!

This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults at him, the more tickets he wrote ...
But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner ...

Friday, November 24, 2006

Humor - The 50 year date

An elderly couple who used to be sweethearts met up in the street recently and all the old feelings came rushing back to them. Since neaither of them were married now they both thought what the hell lets go for it.

Travelling to a local beauty spot bordering a farmers field they found the same spot where they had made love 50 years ago. After some initial fourplay the man turns the woman round and pushes her up against the fence post, grabs hold of the fence for a bit support and takes her from behind.

After ten minutes of frantic thrashing sex he finally finishes and the woman turns roud to him saying " You didnt make love to me like that 50 years ago"

"50 years ago that bloody fence wasnt electrified!" he replied.

Humor - Tell me your IQ

Tell me your IQ

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. It could not only dispense drinks flawlessly, but also, like any bartender, engage in appropriate conversation.
A man enters the bar, orders a drink.
The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, then asks him:
"What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "150."
And the robot proceeds to make conversation about Quantum physics, string theory, atomic chemistry, etc.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."
He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.

Again, the robot serves him the drink and asks him:
"What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "100."
And immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, etc.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robotone more test.

He goes back in, the robot serves him, asks:
"What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "50."
And the robot says, "So, you gonna vote for Bush again?"

Funny - Four friends and their sons

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday"
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame..what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Breaking News - Saddam has escaped

Quick ! It's on the news .. Tell everybody .. Saddam Hussein has escaped!

terrorist news , funny terrorism

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Funny - New Car from AOL

A new car from AOL
The AOL Car

1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.

2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.

3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.

4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.

5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.

6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.

7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.

8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.

9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.

10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.

11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.

12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.

13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.

14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.

15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.

16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.

17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?

18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.

19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.

20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.

21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."

Monday, November 20, 2006

Fun - Mario Brothers Sound Theme

Sweet impressive Super Mario Brothers sound theme from Mario game played by a person using two quitars. It's fun to watch and very relaxing as it brings up memories back when everyone played this cool game.

This is a dude that has mastered the art of playing guitar. Not only that but he plays two at once.

Funny - A donkey story

A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he
entered it in the race again, and it won again. The
local newspaper read:


The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity
that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in
another race.

The next day, the local newspaper headline read:


This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the
pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to
give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper,
hearing of the news, posted the following headline the
next day:


The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would
have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a
farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:


This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the
nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains
where it could run wild. The next day the headlines


Sunday, November 19, 2006

Insane Funny - Smash PS3 Console

Buying a PS3 and smashing it infront of lots of PS3 Fanboys.
In my country PS3 isn't on the shelves and I saw all the comotion and the huge huge lines of gamers that wait to buy such a console so I consider this video insane funny.

I love this video and i bet you will too . You can also check their site , now this is what I call advertisment :)).

Enjoy To All PS3 Haters and Smile

Friday, November 17, 2006

Funny - Guilty

The defendant and his lawyer are in the courtroom, the man being charged with theft. The lawyer tells the crusty old judge, "My lord, my client has produced receipts for, firstly, the high speed modem."

"High-speed modem?" questions the judge.

"Yes" replies the lawyer, "It allows computers to communicate over vast distances at high rates of speed. It allows email and something called cybersex in AOL chatrooms, your honor."

"Cybersex?" says the judge, "You mean sex through a modem? You mean sex on a monitor? Good lord, the morals of this society! Sex should be a natural event of nature!"

"Secondly, my lord," continues the lawyer, "My client can produce a receipt for the 12-speed cd-rom."

"12-speed cd-rom?" queries the judge.

"Yes my lord, it enables millions of bits of information to be read off a small disk."

"And I suppose most of this *information* is cybersex related ... Modern technology and modern society, baffling, just baffling," comments the judge. "I'm appalled at what technology is doing to society these days."

"Thirdly my lord, my client can produce a receipt for the super deluxe inflatable milk maid, whatever *that* is."

"That's the one with the silicone breasts and real hair," replies the judge.

Funny - Diary of a blonde newlywed

Dear Diary,


Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.


We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.


I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.


Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the garden by my mom's. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why?


Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right over to my mom's house. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the same as when I left it.


Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.


Today Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast. Must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger.

Good night, Dear Diary.

This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.

Thursday, November 16, 2006


A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!"

"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"

"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset....Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!"

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Funny - Gender Joke

Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish,
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."? "Pencil,"
however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into
two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for
themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its

The men group decided that "computer" should definitely be
of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory
for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(No chuckling... this gets better!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ("el computer"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the
time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had
waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Funny - Guy's Rules for Women

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, Put it down.

3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.

6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

8. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

11. You have enough clothes.

12. You have too many shoes.

13. Crying is blackmail.

14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.

18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

23. Check your oil.

24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

26. No, it does not matter which quiz.

27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

28. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.

31. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.

37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

40. If it itches, it will be scratched.

41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.

43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

44. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.

46. What the hell is a doily?

Monday, November 13, 2006

Funny Story - Wine Tasting Robot

Wine-tasting robot identifies humans as bacon
Subject description: i welcome our pork-eating robot overlords

But when some smart aleck reporter placed his hand in the robot's omnivorous clanking jaw, he was identified as bacon. A cameraman then tried and was identified as prosciutto.

Wednesday, 8 November 2006
Robot Identifies Human Flesh As Bacon

Let the robot holocaust commence: robots think we taste like bacon.

Researchers at NEC System technologies and Mie University have designed the cute little guy to the right: a metal man gastronomist, "an electromechanical sommelier", capable of identifying wines, cheeses, meats and hors d'oeuvres.

- Read the full story @:

Well I for one welcome our metallic superiors.
I volunteer to round up humans and place them into cages to be used as sustenance for our robotic saviors

This was also posted on Slashdot... The first comment there was funny :

The robot is right
And that's all I'm going to say.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Anytime Anywhere

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink.

Walking up behind her he says, "Hi, there, good lookin'? How's it going?"

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, . . . "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean it just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-ass love it."

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding. I'm a lawyer, too. What firm are you with?"

Friday, November 10, 2006

Funny Picture - Amazed Cat

amazed cat

Look at the cat face expression I mean it's very funny (a stoned , shocked but pleased). Picture sent by Marissa.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Funny Picture - Bill Gates toilet

I think everyone knows that Bill Gates is the richest man in the world currently. But there anyone interested to look at his personal property? Well, as the former CEO of Microsoft and co-founder of Microsoft, he’s quite famous person now right? Maybe a little bit famous from Paris Hilton but it’s quite surprised to see his..

Bill Gates Toilet

Toilet..! hmmm..I is not luxurious as we might think. It’s very similiar to mine though accept for the Windows 98 toilet roll. I think he will upgraded it with Windows Vista later. The toilet might have bugs a little there then.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Funny Picture - Old PC Hardware

Let's talk about old pc hardware.. I think I am not alone in this when I say even with all the respect for the old pcs and old hardware , we find it funny to see a dust personal computer or dusty computers parts or hardware.

I recently got the chance to photograph two hardware pieces : a mouse and what appears to be an old keyboard . I stood for like ten seconds at least with a big wow on my face. It's then when I remembered the good old time that I had playing dos games on my 386 . Also I remembered the trouble my old pc gave me as the hardware become older.

As I looked closely at the mouse I realise it has to be old not only because it was dusty and was put along with other old stuff but firstly because of its square design. I read a long time ago about the first mouse release from Xerox company. That mouse got bought by Bill Gates from Microsoft. Anyway as you probably figured that was a squarish design with only one button and with a lack of style and proper design , so this mouse wasn't that far back old but none the less it was old.

Put right next to it was another computer piece with I didn't knew what to think. It looked like a keyboard but could it be?? Anyway I will call it a keyboard as it had keys and even though it differs a lot from a today's keyboard it is somehow funny to see how things were in the past compared to what we have now. I think after seeing these pictures anyone will apreciate more what he/she has.

Spread the word , and make the pictures seen ;)
(btw I have included pictures of some other old stuff lying around)

Funny Humor - Empire strike back

Empire strike back

A furious light sabre duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER toward the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."

Luke: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"

Darth Vader: "No! I am your father!"

Luke: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."

Darth Vader: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true."

Luke: "NO!"

Darth Vader: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?"

Luke: "Threepio?"

Darth Vader: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old."

Luke: "No."

Darth Vader: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp."

Luke: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!"

Darth Vader: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!"

Luke: "Well, it's not my fault."

Darth Vader: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith .... waahhh wahhh!'"

Luke: "Shut up."

Darth Vader: "You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!"

Luke: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!"

Darth Vader: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor, 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby! Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.

Darth Vader: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine."

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him.

Darth Vader: "And get a haircut!"

Monday, November 06, 2006

Funny Humor - Understanding couples

01. Smart man + smart woman = Romance

02. Smart man + dumb woman = Pregnancy

03. Dumb man + smart woman = Affair

04. Dumb man + dumb woman = Marriage

05. Smart boss + smart employee = Profit

06. Smart boss + dumb employee = Production

07. Dumb boss + smart employee = Promotion

08. Dumb boss + dumb employee = Overtime

09. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

10. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

11. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him
a little.

12. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.

Funny - Unbeleivable Sex Laws

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have
sex with animals, but the animals must be female.
Having sexual relations with a male animal is
punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine
a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from
looking directly at them during the examination. He
may only see their reflection in a mirror.

Muslims are banned from looking at the
genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers;
the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a
brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is
decapitation. (Wonder which head?)

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is
to travel the countryside and deflower young
virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex
for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is
expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job
anywhere else in the world that even comes
close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally
allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do
so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the
other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool,
England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex
with her husband, and the first time this happens, her
mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a
man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the
same time. (I presume this was a big enough
problem that they had to pass this law?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms
from vending machines with one exception:
prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine
only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for
consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? ... Not as great as Guam!)

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Bus Driver Fired After Giving President Bush The Finger

Seattle, WA (AHN) - A school bus driver, whose name has not been released, was fired for allegedly flipping her middle finger at President Bush's motorcade with students aboard last June. This week, according to an AP report, the woman filed a union grievance to get her job back.

The 43-year-old bus driver was bringing students home from a field trip to a local zoo when a motorcade carrying President Bush and Republican Dave Reichert overtook them.

Students extended their arms from the windows to wave at the presidential motorcade. According to reports, Bush and Reichert waved back.

But the driver to the school bus extended an less than hospitable middle finger at the passing entourage, said Reichert and Issaquah superintendent Janet Barry who learned of the event after the driver allegedly boasted about the encounter and the finger incident to colleagues.

According to Reichert spokesperson Kimberly Cadena, "The congressman hadn't seen it, but the President turned to him and said, 'That one's not a fan.'"

If you read teh rest of the article, she wasn't really terminated because of giving Bush the finger, it was doing it in front of a bus full of kids.

I agree with that, but I think it's hilarious that the president was flipped off.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Telemarketers worst Nightmare - Funny Prank

You have got to listen to this funny prank done on a telemarketer. You'll laugh your heart out because it's one of the humorous funnies telephone prank ever seen. Enjoy!

(courtesy of

Why Bother ? Photoshop is everywhere..

Photoshopped rib joke

Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Blonde Joke


A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red
sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's licence. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,

Best Funny Cop Mirror Joke

"Okay, you can go. I didn't realise you were a cop."

Other blonde jokes:

26 May 2006 by TopHumor

"Yes sweetie, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied. The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she ... "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No sweetheart, it's because you're 25."
Quite funny blonde joke

26 Jun 2006 by TopHumor

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip to Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level. ...
Jokes - Blondes on a Bus

23 Jul 2006 by TopHumor

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your Name, can you hear it?" ...
Jokes - Brunette Logic for Blonde Lovers

23 Aug 2006 by TopHumor

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next ...
Jokes - Best Blonde Jokes ( Top 2 - Most Rated)

26 Jul 2006 by TopHumor

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma`am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?"
Jokes - Blonde Indecent Exposure

Jokes - Women can be so cruel

Women can be so cruel

Having reached the age of 62, I went to apply for thr Pension last week.

After waiting in line for a very long time, I finally got to the counter.

The woman there asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized, to my great dismay, that I had left my wallet on the nightstand in my bedroom.

I told the lady that I was very sorry, but I seemed to have left my wallet at home.
"I'll have to go get it and come back later," I said.

At that point, she said to me,
"Unbutton your shirt."

I was confused, but I opened my shirt, revealing lots of curly silver hair.

She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and, with that, she promptly processed my application.

When I got home, I couldn't wait to tell my wife about my experience At the Pension Office.

She listened to the whole story and then said,
"You should have dropped your pants, you might have gotten disability too"

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Funny Picture - Halloween Flashers

Funny Picture - Holloween Flashers

Trick or Treat .. How about these Holloween Flashers , did you have any encounter with them ? Of course we speak literarly but check out this funny picture ..

Funny Humor

Funny Humor Resource - We search the internet for you and choose only the best jokes, gags and funny stuff.