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Monday, June 25, 2007

No Sex Tonight

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ somuch. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I havenever figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting intobed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feellike it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for meto satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled lookby saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you inthe bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time withher. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, bigunnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried onseveral different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one totake so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes tocompliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. Wewent onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamondearrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I wasone wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me becauseshe asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to playtennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is alldear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feellike it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffledWHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’rejust not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfyyour shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like shewas going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am andnot for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

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