Men Superstore
Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...
First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.
Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
Funny - Honest answers to Interview Questions
Honest answers to Interview Questions..!
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have
any
specific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4.What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...
5.What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without
thinking of
the fate of company
6.What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7.What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more
money,
so I am here today
8.What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my
job? I
could demand more and stay there.
9.Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a
change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10.Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job
11.What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
12.What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs
13.Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
14.What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20%
extra
than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard (I
know you
will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current
salary by 30%).
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have
any
specific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4.What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...
5.What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without
thinking of
the fate of company
6.What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7.What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more
money,
so I am here today
8.What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my
job? I
could demand more and stay there.
9.Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a
change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10.Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job
11.What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
12.What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs
13.Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
14.What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20%
extra
than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard (I
know you
will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current
salary by 30%).
Jokes - Smart Mans Revenge
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf courselined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband says, "Honey,be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows it'll cost us a fortune to fix."
The wife tees up and promptly shanks it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringes and says, "I told you to watch out for the houses!
Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost." They walk up and knock, and a voice says, "Come in."
When they open the door, they see glass all over the floor and a brokenbottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch says, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh, yeah," the husband says. "Sorry about that." "No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes - I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." "OK, great!" the husband says. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem - it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie says, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world,"she says. "Consider it done.""And what's your wish, Genie?" the husband asks.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years My wish is to sleep with your wife." The husband looks at the wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey.
I guess it's OK with me if it's OK with you." So the genie takes the wife upstairs and ravishes her for two hours.Afterward, he rolls over, looks at the wife, and says,
"How old is yourhusband, anyway?" "35. Why?" "And he still believes in genies?"
The wife tees up and promptly shanks it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringes and says, "I told you to watch out for the houses!
Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost." They walk up and knock, and a voice says, "Come in."
When they open the door, they see glass all over the floor and a brokenbottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch says, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh, yeah," the husband says. "Sorry about that." "No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes - I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." "OK, great!" the husband says. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem - it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie says, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world,"she says. "Consider it done.""And what's your wish, Genie?" the husband asks.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years My wish is to sleep with your wife." The husband looks at the wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey.
I guess it's OK with me if it's OK with you." So the genie takes the wife upstairs and ravishes her for two hours.Afterward, he rolls over, looks at the wife, and says,
"How old is yourhusband, anyway?" "35. Why?" "And he still believes in genies?"
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Fun Cool Bags
He he ! I especially like this because it's funny. It always takes a little creativity from the producers and you end up with one of these cool bags.
ok.. I guess I'm not the only person that would like to wake up one day and enjoy a day full of babes in bikinis walking down the street and shopping in the local supermarket.. Anyway this bag could be good for a little fun. It's an X-Ray vision bag :) .
These bags are fun as well . People will most likely love them and these bags will give you an ice breaker in all dates for sure (if you need one).
Jokes - Why did the chicken cross the road
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Why did the chicken ever cross the road? Here are the responses of some well known people...
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.
PLATO:
For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY:
Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
JACK NICHOLSON:
'cause it f___ing wanted to. That's the f___ing reason.
RONALD REAGAN:
I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES:
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ANDERSEN CONSULTANT:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focussed, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.
MOSES:
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
BILL CLINTON:
I'm going to say something important. And I'll say it again to make sure you understand. I did not have sexual relations with that chicken. I did not.
OLIVER STONE:
The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA:
Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
Why did the chicken ever cross the road? Here are the responses of some well known people...
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.
PLATO:
For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY:
Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
JACK NICHOLSON:
'cause it f___ing wanted to. That's the f___ing reason.
RONALD REAGAN:
I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES:
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ANDERSEN CONSULTANT:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focussed, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.
MOSES:
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
BILL CLINTON:
I'm going to say something important. And I'll say it again to make sure you understand. I did not have sexual relations with that chicken. I did not.
OLIVER STONE:
The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA:
Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Funny - New graphical card
ATI Evil Commando PRO 128 BRD
(Funny Picture)
Yep here it is. new ATI's new card even better than newest
X850 GT
Powered with Evil commando core which improves graphical
vision.
specs: 128 Mb BRD, but adjustable to fit your last days
AGP 8X not adjustable cos there's nothing to trade in
Avaibility: accross the Globe, in every house where's violence
Cost: Firstly you sign with your blood,then you give your soul
after 666 days workng with it,and then you're his for life
Info number: 1 - 0800 - commandoownsyou
(Funny Picture)
Yep here it is. new ATI's new card even better than newest
X850 GT
Powered with Evil commando core which improves graphical
vision.
specs: 128 Mb BRD, but adjustable to fit your last days
AGP 8X not adjustable cos there's nothing to trade in
Avaibility: accross the Globe, in every house where's violence
Cost: Firstly you sign with your blood,then you give your soul
after 666 days workng with it,and then you're his for life
Info number: 1 - 0800 - commandoownsyou
Jokes - Gay Joke
Don't fly me,
It has been reported that an employee for Ansett Australia (Airlines), who happened to have the last name of Gay, got on a plane recently using the company's 'Free Flight' offer for staff. However, when Mr Gay tried to take his seat, he found it being occupied by a fare paying passenger.
So, not to make a fuss, he simply chose another seat. Unknown to Mr Gay another Ansett flight at the airport experienced mechanical problems. The passengers of this flight were being re-routed to various other airplanes.
A few were put on Mr Gay's flight and anyone who was holding a 'free' ticket was being 'bumped'. Ansett officials, armed with a list of these 'freebee' ticket holders boarded the plane,as is the practise, to remove them in favour of fare paying passengers.Of course,our Mr. Gay was not sitting in his assigned seat as you may remember. So when the Ticket Agent approached the seat where Mr Gay was supposed to be sitting,she asked a startled customer "Are you gay?" The man, shyly nodded that he was at wich point she demanded: "Then you have to get off the plane." Mr Gay, overhearing what the agent had said, tried to clear up the situation: "You've got the wrong man.I'm Gay!". This caused an angry third passenger to yell "Hell! I'm gay too! They can't kick us all off!".
Confusion reined as more and more passengers began yelling that Ansett had no right to remove gays from their flights.
It is reported that Ansett have refused to comment on the incident.
It has been reported that an employee for Ansett Australia (Airlines), who happened to have the last name of Gay, got on a plane recently using the company's 'Free Flight' offer for staff. However, when Mr Gay tried to take his seat, he found it being occupied by a fare paying passenger.
So, not to make a fuss, he simply chose another seat. Unknown to Mr Gay another Ansett flight at the airport experienced mechanical problems. The passengers of this flight were being re-routed to various other airplanes.
A few were put on Mr Gay's flight and anyone who was holding a 'free' ticket was being 'bumped'. Ansett officials, armed with a list of these 'freebee' ticket holders boarded the plane,as is the practise, to remove them in favour of fare paying passengers.Of course,our Mr. Gay was not sitting in his assigned seat as you may remember. So when the Ticket Agent approached the seat where Mr Gay was supposed to be sitting,she asked a startled customer "Are you gay?" The man, shyly nodded that he was at wich point she demanded: "Then you have to get off the plane." Mr Gay, overhearing what the agent had said, tried to clear up the situation: "You've got the wrong man.I'm Gay!". This caused an angry third passenger to yell "Hell! I'm gay too! They can't kick us all off!".
Confusion reined as more and more passengers began yelling that Ansett had no right to remove gays from their flights.
It is reported that Ansett have refused to comment on the incident.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Funny - Cool Mailbox
This is one of the coolest mail boxes I have ever seen (in picture) so I decided to share it with you . It's worth having a mailbox like this one especially if you are angry (upset) at the mailman for not bringing mail in time or just if you want to show everyone that you don't give a crap (literaly). I have to see the look on a mailman's face once he sees this mailbox. That would be a big laughter because this is the coolest mail box in the whole wide world.
(Cool Mailbox)
(Cool Mailbox)
World's Ugliest Dog
Winner of a "World's Ugliest Dog" contest.
Sam, the above-pictured canine, was a 14-year-old pedigreed Chinese crested owned by Susie Lockheed of Santa Barbara, California. In June 2005, Sam won the "World's Ugliest Dog" title at the Sonoma-Marin Fair contest for the third consecutive year.
The Associated Press described Sam thusly:
The tiny dog has no hair, if you don't count the yellowish-white tuft erupting from his head. His wrinkled brown skin is covered with splotches, a line of warts marches down his snout, his blind eyes are an alien, milky white, and a fleshy flap of skin hangs from his withered neck. And then there are the Austin Powers teeth that jut at odd angles.
He's so ugly that even the judges recoiled when he was placed on the judging table . . .
Unfortunately, Sam was suffering from a number of age-related ailments (congestive heart failure, lung and kidney problems) and probably didn't made more other public appearances. Sam died in mid-November 2005.
(World's Ugliest Dog Funny Picture)
Sam, the above-pictured canine, was a 14-year-old pedigreed Chinese crested owned by Susie Lockheed of Santa Barbara, California. In June 2005, Sam won the "World's Ugliest Dog" title at the Sonoma-Marin Fair contest for the third consecutive year.
The Associated Press described Sam thusly:
The tiny dog has no hair, if you don't count the yellowish-white tuft erupting from his head. His wrinkled brown skin is covered with splotches, a line of warts marches down his snout, his blind eyes are an alien, milky white, and a fleshy flap of skin hangs from his withered neck. And then there are the Austin Powers teeth that jut at odd angles.
He's so ugly that even the judges recoiled when he was placed on the judging table . . .
Unfortunately, Sam was suffering from a number of age-related ailments (congestive heart failure, lung and kidney problems) and probably didn't made more other public appearances. Sam died in mid-November 2005.
(World's Ugliest Dog Funny Picture)
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Having a Bad Day?
If you think you are having a bad day have a read through this.
Having a Bad Day?
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on; Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Having a Bad Day?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a Bad Day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
STILL think you're having Bad Day?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.
The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
What?? STILL having a Bad Day?
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
There now, feeling better?
Having a Bad Day?
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on; Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Having a Bad Day?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a Bad Day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
STILL think you're having Bad Day?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.
The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
What?? STILL having a Bad Day?
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
There now, feeling better?
Funny - Romance mathematics
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Bed Time Humor
One night John sent his kid : Billy to go to sleep. Five minutes later the boy screamed, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?! I am dying of thirst!!"
"No. You had your chance Billy! You could have got a glass of water before you went to bed. Now go to sleep , it's bet time!"
A minute later the boy screamed "Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water? I am dying of thirst!! I know it's bedtime but I'm thirsty!"
"No. I already told you before. It's bet time and you had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you."
"Dad! When you come up to give me my spank bring also the glass of water!"
(Bed Time Humor)
"No. You had your chance Billy! You could have got a glass of water before you went to bed. Now go to sleep , it's bet time!"
A minute later the boy screamed "Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water? I am dying of thirst!! I know it's bedtime but I'm thirsty!"
"No. I already told you before. It's bet time and you had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you."
"Dad! When you come up to give me my spank bring also the glass of water!"
(Bed Time Humor)
Jokes - Women Skinny Dipping
An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer , he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said,
"I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer , he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said,
"I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast.
Funny Prank/Gag - Cantonese Menu
SUC MI PAGODA
Cuntonese Cuisine
6969 Fellation Blvd.
Escondildo, CA 12698
281-6969
That's "Two ate one - Sixty-nine, Sixty-nine"
PORKING IN THE REAR
__________________________________________________ _______________
A LA CARTE
$2.69 each
CUM DROP SOUP
Fresh Every 2.7 Days
PEE YU PLATTER
Clothes Pins Extra
HOO FLUNG POO
Napkins & Raincoats Provided
SUC SUM TIT
Children's Special
YUNG POON TANG
No Take Out Orders Accepted
LUNCHEON SPECIALS
1. SUM YUNG CHICK..........$6.99
Different and Delicious
2. WON HUNG LO..............$6.99
Chinese Meatballs
3. SUM DUM FUC..............$9.69
Same - #1 But With Extra Sauce 4. CHU SUM TWAT............$16.99
Dinner - Parties Of 3 Or More
5. SUC MI PORK..............$9.69
Chef's Special FUC YU MAN...............$6.69
Specialty Of The House
DINNER COMBINATIONS
1. GOO IN HAND...........$9.69
For Those Dining Alone 2. GOO WEE CHICK.........$6.99
Sloppy Seconds - No Charge
3. CUM TU SOON...........$6.99
Order Early - These Go Fast 4. SUC MI WANG...........$6.99
Traditional Chinese Meatloaf
5. SUM DUM CHICK.........$4.99
You Get What You Pay For 6. FUC MEI SLO...........$6.69
Not Available After 10PM
7. LIK MI CLIT...........$6.99
A Delicious Lick Smacking Oriental Delicacy 8. CHO KON IT............$9.99
Not For The Light Throated
9. FUC SUM NOW...........$6.99
For Those In A Hurry 10. WAI TU YUNG..........$4.99
Not Available On School Nights
Cuntonese Cuisine
6969 Fellation Blvd.
Escondildo, CA 12698
281-6969
That's "Two ate one - Sixty-nine, Sixty-nine"
PORKING IN THE REAR
__________________________________________________ _______________
A LA CARTE
$2.69 each
CUM DROP SOUP
Fresh Every 2.7 Days
PEE YU PLATTER
Clothes Pins Extra
HOO FLUNG POO
Napkins & Raincoats Provided
SUC SUM TIT
Children's Special
YUNG POON TANG
No Take Out Orders Accepted
LUNCHEON SPECIALS
1. SUM YUNG CHICK..........$6.99
Different and Delicious
2. WON HUNG LO..............$6.99
Chinese Meatballs
3. SUM DUM FUC..............$9.69
Same - #1 But With Extra Sauce 4. CHU SUM TWAT............$16.99
Dinner - Parties Of 3 Or More
5. SUC MI PORK..............$9.69
Chef's Special FUC YU MAN...............$6.69
Specialty Of The House
DINNER COMBINATIONS
1. GOO IN HAND...........$9.69
For Those Dining Alone 2. GOO WEE CHICK.........$6.99
Sloppy Seconds - No Charge
3. CUM TU SOON...........$6.99
Order Early - These Go Fast 4. SUC MI WANG...........$6.99
Traditional Chinese Meatloaf
5. SUM DUM CHICK.........$4.99
You Get What You Pay For 6. FUC MEI SLO...........$6.69
Not Available After 10PM
7. LIK MI CLIT...........$6.99
A Delicious Lick Smacking Oriental Delicacy 8. CHO KON IT............$9.99
Not For The Light Throated
9. FUC SUM NOW...........$6.99
For Those In A Hurry 10. WAI TU YUNG..........$4.99
Not Available On School Nights
Friday, September 22, 2006
Jokes - The 100 Dollar Tattoo
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?"
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain;"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow, and two; once in a while I like to play with my money, three; I like how money feels in my hand and lastly; instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain;"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow, and two; once in a while I like to play with my money, three; I like how money feels in my hand and lastly; instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Jokes - Sex Problems
I went to a psychiatrist because I was having severe problems with my sex life. The psychiatrist asked me a lot of questions, but didn't seem to be getting a clear picture of my problems.
Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"Well, how did she look?"
"Oh boy,... she looked VERY angry!"
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw her face that time?"
"She was watching us through the window."
Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"Well, how did she look?"
"Oh boy,... she looked VERY angry!"
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw her face that time?"
"She was watching us through the window."
Jokes - Little boy's request and the Goverment
A Little Boy 1 Day Wrote A Letter 2 God He Asked For 50 $ And Posted It . When The Postal Department Read They Found It Hilarious , They Forwarded It 2 The President. The President Read It And Found It Quiet Hilarious So He Sent 20 $ To The Boy .
The Boy Was Quiet Happy 2 Recieve The Money. He Sent A Thanks Letter It Said "dear God I Got The 20 $ From The White House , But These Bastards Deducted 30 $ In Tax !! "
The Boy Was Quiet Happy 2 Recieve The Money. He Sent A Thanks Letter It Said "dear God I Got The 20 $ From The White House , But These Bastards Deducted 30 $ In Tax !! "
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Entertainment - Pantyhose
Just a little video in pantyhose i recently came up on youtube.
Tags: voyeur pantyhose medias butt ass culo sexy
Opinnions are separated some say it is very hot others that this is nasty but in my opinnion lol unless you have a sexy butt and I mean sexy don't go filming it and especially don't post the video on a high visitor resource such as youtube .. It's pretty funny comming to think of what people are ready to do for a little celebrity or fame .
Tags: voyeur pantyhose medias butt ass culo sexy
Opinnions are separated some say it is very hot others that this is nasty but in my opinnion lol unless you have a sexy butt and I mean sexy don't go filming it and especially don't post the video on a high visitor resource such as youtube .. It's pretty funny comming to think of what people are ready to do for a little celebrity or fame .
Funny Video - M.A.F. Episode 1
M.A.F. Episode 1: Filmed by a human
The first episode of the new animation series: "Minem and fift"
Common Tags: fun funny 3D animation amazing joke jokes hilarious stupid rap rapper rappers eminem fifty 50 ufo extraterrestrials.
It will be probably considered kind of stupid .. :)) so there's the humor ..
The first episode of the new animation series: "Minem and fift"
Common Tags: fun funny 3D animation amazing joke jokes hilarious stupid rap rapper rappers eminem fifty 50 ufo extraterrestrials.
It will be probably considered kind of stupid .. :)) so there's the humor ..
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Jokes - Wife Birthday Presents
Three men are sitting at a bar and talking about the last birthday present that they got for their wives.
The first one says, "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in 6 seconds!" The other two ask him what he got her. "I got her a Porsche. And she's never been happier in her life."
The next guy says, "I know what you mean. I bought MY wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! -and she's on cloud nine!"
"That could only be a Ferrari," the other two say.
"And what did you give your wife for her birthday?," they ask the third.
"Now, I don't want to brag, but I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 200 in 2 seconds."
"No way," say the other two, "That's way faster than the Ferrari and the Ferrari's the fastest thing there is!"
"Nope." the other man says, I got my wife something faster. but the funny thing is that she's really not all that happy about the fact that it goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds."
"Wow." one of the men said, "That's hard to believe. What did you bought her?
I bought her a SCALE (weighing machine)
The first one says, "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in 6 seconds!" The other two ask him what he got her. "I got her a Porsche. And she's never been happier in her life."
The next guy says, "I know what you mean. I bought MY wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! -and she's on cloud nine!"
"That could only be a Ferrari," the other two say.
"And what did you give your wife for her birthday?," they ask the third.
"Now, I don't want to brag, but I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 200 in 2 seconds."
"No way," say the other two, "That's way faster than the Ferrari and the Ferrari's the fastest thing there is!"
"Nope." the other man says, I got my wife something faster. but the funny thing is that she's really not all that happy about the fact that it goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds."
"Wow." one of the men said, "That's hard to believe. What did you bought her?
I bought her a SCALE (weighing machine)
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Funny - Virtual Sex Suit Had To Be Withdrawn From Sale
VR Interfaces: Vivid Cyber Sex Suit
Vivid Entertainment fully expected the suit to revolutionise online porn, combining it successfully with virtual reality for the first time. Unfortunately, there were problems. The ‘VR’ interface was clumsy to say the least, and could not be combined with any 3D environment around at the time – or even around today. The small number of sensors reduced it to merely playing with your partner instead of generating meaningful interaction. Net access speeds at the time often resulted in a sluggish and unresponsive suit, or worse, due to lag, several seconds worth of stimulation arriving in one blast. As if these problems were not enough, Vivid got into trouble over health concerns, and danger of death.
The suit finally disappeared in mid 2000, when Vivid failed American Federal Trade Commission’s strict standards of testing: Namely that the suit was safe enough for pacemaker wearers, and guaranteed against potentially dangerous electrical surges under moist conditions – such as a successful session with it. Unable to meet these standards – and carrying a severe risk of fatality, Vivid’s Cyber Sex Suit was terminated by the FCC.
virtualworldlets.net/Shop/ProductsDisplay/VRInterface.php?ID=3
Quote:
Unable to meet these standards – and carrying a severe risk of fatality, Vivid’s Cyber Sex Suit was terminated by the FCC.
Yes fluid and electricity dont combine well.
Another funny quote:
Quote:
Net access speeds at the time often resulted in a sluggish and unresponsive suit, or worse, due to lag, several seconds worth of stimulation arriving in one blast.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Funny - How to crash a PC with a cell phone
You can crash a Dell PC with your cell phone by using what seems to be the latest bug discovered at DELL PC's.
Dell .. Supposely one of the best brands associated with pcs in general. Well you'd think that all the money you spend buying a dell pc is worth it right . Hmm It looks like the giants also have their weaknesses.
Anyway Chris from rickardliljeberg found at work a neat and cool bug (an error in special conditions) . This was reported to work on Dell Optiplex GX520 but it seems it could work on other brand Dell personal computers too. Anyway this video is now viewed all around the world accordingly to their updates. So I decided to post the flash video wich you can also download .
The bug appears when you put your mobile phone close to the cd-rom unit of the dell and then recieve a sms/txt.
What happends is it goes into some sort of suspension mode from which you can't bring it back without breaking power or holding down the power button for four seconds.
Attention: Prepare yourself for a big portion of laughter and the pc for a quick restart . Maybe you can also do this as a gag to a friend or enemy at work.
It seems that this bug was innevitable to be discovered as a cellphone near a computer , even near a dell computer is not so unlikely for you to place near.
But as Rickard puts it the question is: Is it a bug or feature? Dell - Can't you love them for it?
Dell .. Supposely one of the best brands associated with pcs in general. Well you'd think that all the money you spend buying a dell pc is worth it right . Hmm It looks like the giants also have their weaknesses.
Anyway Chris from rickardliljeberg found at work a neat and cool bug (an error in special conditions) . This was reported to work on Dell Optiplex GX520 but it seems it could work on other brand Dell personal computers too. Anyway this video is now viewed all around the world accordingly to their updates. So I decided to post the flash video wich you can also download .
The bug appears when you put your mobile phone close to the cd-rom unit of the dell and then recieve a sms/txt.
What happends is it goes into some sort of suspension mode from which you can't bring it back without breaking power or holding down the power button for four seconds.
Attention: Prepare yourself for a big portion of laughter and the pc for a quick restart . Maybe you can also do this as a gag to a friend or enemy at work.
It seems that this bug was innevitable to be discovered as a cellphone near a computer , even near a dell computer is not so unlikely for you to place near.
But as Rickard puts it the question is: Is it a bug or feature? Dell - Can't you love them for it?
Funny - Useless Facts
01) It is impossible to lick your elbow.
02) A crocodile can’t stick it’s tongue out.
03) A shrimp’s heart is in their head.
04) A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
05) On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.
06) Rats and horses can’t vomit.
07) If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.
08) Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
09) Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
10) If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
11) The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
12) Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
13) A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.
14) Most lipstick contains fish scales.
15) Cat’s urine glows under a black-light.
16) Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.
02) A crocodile can’t stick it’s tongue out.
03) A shrimp’s heart is in their head.
04) A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
05) On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.
06) Rats and horses can’t vomit.
07) If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.
08) Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
09) Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
10) If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
11) The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
12) Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
13) A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.
14) Most lipstick contains fish scales.
15) Cat’s urine glows under a black-light.
16) Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.
Geek Funny - The Evolution of a Programmer
High School/Jr.High
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
First year in College
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.
Senior year in College
(defun hello
(print
(cons 'Hello (list 'World))))
New professional
#include <stdio.h>
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;
for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message[i]);
printf("\n"
}
Seasoned professional
#include <iostream.h>
#include <string.h>
class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;
string() : size(0), ptr(new char[1]) { ptr[0] = 0; }
string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}
~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}
friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &
string &operator=(const char *);
};
ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}
string &string:perator=(const char *chrs)
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}
int main()
{
string str;
str = "Hello World";
cout << str << endl;
return(0);
}
Master Programmer
[
uuid(2573F8F4-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
library LHello
{
// bring in the master library
importlib("actimp.tlb"
importlib("actexp.tlb"
// bring in my interfaces
#include "pshlo.idl"
[
uuid(2573F8F5-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
cotype THello
{
interface IHello;
interface IPersistFile;
};
};
[
exe,
uuid(2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
module CHelloLib
{
// some code related header files
importheader(<windows.h>
importheader(<ole2.h>
importheader(<except.hxx>
importheader("pshlo.h"
importheader("shlo.hxx"
importheader("mycls.hxx"
// needed typelibs
importlib("actimp.tlb"
importlib("actexp.tlb"
importlib("thlo.tlb"
[
uuid(2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820),
aggregatable
]
coclass CHello
{
cotype THello;
};
};
#include "ipfix.hxx"
extern HANDLE hEvent;
class CHello : public CHelloBase
{
public:
IPFIX(CLSID_CHello);
CHello(IUnknown *pUnk);
~CHello();
HRESULT __stdcall PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString);
private:
static int cObjRef;
};
#include <windows.h>
#include <ole2.h>
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include "thlo.h"
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"
int CHello::cObjRef = 0;
CHello::CHello(IUnknown *pUnk) : CHelloBase(pUnk)
{
cObjRef++;
return;
}
HRESULT __stdcall CHello::PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString)
{
printf("%ws
", pwszString);
return(ResultFromScode(S_OK));
}
CHello::~CHello(void)
{
// when the object count goes to zero, stop the server
cObjRef--;
if( cObjRef == 0 )
PulseEvent(hEvent);
return;
}
#include <windows.h>
#include <ole2.h>
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"
HANDLE hEvent;
int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
ULONG ulRef;
DWORD dwRegistration;
CHelloCF *pCF = new CHelloCF();
hEvent = CreateEvent(NULL, FALSE, FALSE, NULL);
// Initialize the OLE libraries
CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);
CoRegisterClassObject(CLSID_CHello, pCF, CLSCTX_LOCAL_SERVER,
REGCLS_MULTIPLEUSE, &dwRegistration);
// wait on an event to stop
WaitForSingleObject(hEvent, INFINITE);
// revoke and release the class object
CoRevokeClassObject(dwRegistration);
ulRef = pCF->Release();
// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
return(0); }
extern CLSID CLSID_CHello;
extern UUID LIBID_CHelloLib;
CLSID CLSID_CHello = { /* 2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F891,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};
UUID LIBID_CHelloLib = { /* 2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F890,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};
#include <windows.h>
#include <ole2.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <string.h>
#include <stdio.h>
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "clsid.h"
int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
HRESULT hRslt;
IHello *pHello;
ULONG ulCnt;
IMoniker * pmk;
WCHAR wcsT[_MAX_PATH];
WCHAR wcsPath[2 * _MAX_PATH];
// get object path
wcsPath[0] = '\0';
wcsT[0] = '\0';
if( argc > 1) {
mbstowcs(wcsPath, argv[1], strlen(argv[1]) + 1);
wcsupr(wcsPath);
}
else {
fprintf(stderr, "Object path must be specified\n"
return(1);
}
// get print string
if(argc > 2)
mbstowcs(wcsT, argv[2], strlen(argv[2]) + 1);
else
wcscpy(wcsT, L"Hello World"
printf("Linking to object %ws\n", wcsPath);
printf("Text String %ws\n", wcsT);
// Initialize the OLE libraries
hRslt = CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {
hRslt = CreateFileMoniker(wcsPath, &pmk);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt))
hRslt = BindMoniker(pmk, 0, IID_IHello, (void **)&pHello);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {
// print a string out
pHello->PrintSz(wcsT);
Sleep(2000);
ulCnt = pHello->Release();
}
else
printf("Failure to connect, status: %lx", hRslt);
// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
}
return(0);
}
Apprentice Hacker
#!/usr/local/bin/perl
$msg="Hello, world.\n";
if ($#ARGV >= 0) {
while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) {
$outfilename = $arg;
open(FILE, ">" . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg: $!\n";
print (FILE $msg);
close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!\n";
}
} else {
print ($msg);
}
1;
Experienced Hacker
#include <stdio.h>
#define S "Hello, World\n"
main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}
Seasoned Hacker
% cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c
% a.out
Guru Hacker
% echo "Hello, world."
New Manager
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
Middle Manager
mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12
Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world."?
I need it by tomorrow.
^D
Senior Manager
% zmail jim
I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.
Chief Executive
% letter
letter: Command not found.
% mail
To: ^X ^F ^C
% help mail
help: Command not found.
% damn!
!: Event unrecognized
% logout
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
First year in College
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.
Senior year in College
(defun hello
(cons 'Hello (list 'World))))
New professional
#include <stdio.h>
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;
for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message[i]);
printf("\n"
}
Seasoned professional
#include <iostream.h>
#include <string.h>
class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;
string() : size(0), ptr(new char[1]) { ptr[0] = 0; }
string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}
~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}
friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &
string &operator=(const char *);
};
ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}
string &string:perator=(const char *chrs)
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}
int main()
{
string str;
str = "Hello World";
cout << str << endl;
return(0);
}
Master Programmer
[
uuid(2573F8F4-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
library LHello
{
// bring in the master library
importlib("actimp.tlb"
importlib("actexp.tlb"
// bring in my interfaces
#include "pshlo.idl"
[
uuid(2573F8F5-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
cotype THello
{
interface IHello;
interface IPersistFile;
};
};
[
exe,
uuid(2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
module CHelloLib
{
// some code related header files
importheader(<windows.h>
importheader(<ole2.h>
importheader(<except.hxx>
importheader("pshlo.h"
importheader("shlo.hxx"
importheader("mycls.hxx"
// needed typelibs
importlib("actimp.tlb"
importlib("actexp.tlb"
importlib("thlo.tlb"
[
uuid(2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820),
aggregatable
]
coclass CHello
{
cotype THello;
};
};
#include "ipfix.hxx"
extern HANDLE hEvent;
class CHello : public CHelloBase
{
public:
IPFIX(CLSID_CHello);
CHello(IUnknown *pUnk);
~CHello();
HRESULT __stdcall PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString);
private:
static int cObjRef;
};
#include <windows.h>
#include <ole2.h>
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include "thlo.h"
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"
int CHello::cObjRef = 0;
CHello::CHello(IUnknown *pUnk) : CHelloBase(pUnk)
{
cObjRef++;
return;
}
HRESULT __stdcall CHello::PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString)
{
printf("%ws
", pwszString);
return(ResultFromScode(S_OK));
}
CHello::~CHello(void)
{
// when the object count goes to zero, stop the server
cObjRef--;
if( cObjRef == 0 )
PulseEvent(hEvent);
return;
}
#include <windows.h>
#include <ole2.h>
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"
HANDLE hEvent;
int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
ULONG ulRef;
DWORD dwRegistration;
CHelloCF *pCF = new CHelloCF();
hEvent = CreateEvent(NULL, FALSE, FALSE, NULL);
// Initialize the OLE libraries
CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);
CoRegisterClassObject(CLSID_CHello, pCF, CLSCTX_LOCAL_SERVER,
REGCLS_MULTIPLEUSE, &dwRegistration);
// wait on an event to stop
WaitForSingleObject(hEvent, INFINITE);
// revoke and release the class object
CoRevokeClassObject(dwRegistration);
ulRef = pCF->Release();
// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
return(0); }
extern CLSID CLSID_CHello;
extern UUID LIBID_CHelloLib;
CLSID CLSID_CHello = { /* 2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F891,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};
UUID LIBID_CHelloLib = { /* 2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F890,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};
#include <windows.h>
#include <ole2.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <string.h>
#include <stdio.h>
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "clsid.h"
int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
HRESULT hRslt;
IHello *pHello;
ULONG ulCnt;
IMoniker * pmk;
WCHAR wcsT[_MAX_PATH];
WCHAR wcsPath[2 * _MAX_PATH];
// get object path
wcsPath[0] = '\0';
wcsT[0] = '\0';
if( argc > 1) {
mbstowcs(wcsPath, argv[1], strlen(argv[1]) + 1);
wcsupr(wcsPath);
}
else {
fprintf(stderr, "Object path must be specified\n"
return(1);
}
// get print string
if(argc > 2)
mbstowcs(wcsT, argv[2], strlen(argv[2]) + 1);
else
wcscpy(wcsT, L"Hello World"
printf("Linking to object %ws\n", wcsPath);
printf("Text String %ws\n", wcsT);
// Initialize the OLE libraries
hRslt = CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {
hRslt = CreateFileMoniker(wcsPath, &pmk);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt))
hRslt = BindMoniker(pmk, 0, IID_IHello, (void **)&pHello);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {
// print a string out
pHello->PrintSz(wcsT);
Sleep(2000);
ulCnt = pHello->Release();
}
else
printf("Failure to connect, status: %lx", hRslt);
// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
}
return(0);
}
Apprentice Hacker
#!/usr/local/bin/perl
$msg="Hello, world.\n";
if ($#ARGV >= 0) {
while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) {
$outfilename = $arg;
open(FILE, ">" . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg: $!\n";
print (FILE $msg);
close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!\n";
}
} else {
print ($msg);
}
1;
Experienced Hacker
#include <stdio.h>
#define S "Hello, World\n"
main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}
Seasoned Hacker
% cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c
% a.out
Guru Hacker
% echo "Hello, world."
New Manager
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
Middle Manager
mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12
Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world."?
I need it by tomorrow.
^D
Senior Manager
% zmail jim
I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.
Chief Executive
% letter
letter: Command not found.
To: ^X ^F ^C
% help mail
help: Command not found.
% damn!
!: Event unrecognized
% logout
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Jokes - the Seven Dwarves
One day the Seven Dwarves decide to go to the Vatican. When they get there they get ushered in by the Cardinals to see the Pope because they are so famous. So the Dwarves are standing there chatting away and eventually Dopey walks up to the Pope.
"So tell me, your holiness, are there any dwarf nuns in Ireland?" he says
The pope thinks about this for a while and eventually says, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Ireland"
The other dwarves start sniggering to themselves.
"Oh.. are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican?"
Pope thinks long and hard about this, and eventually says, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in the Vatican"
At this point the other dwarves are laughing REALLY hard
"So.. are there any dwarf nuns at all in the world?"
"No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in the world."
Now the other dwarves are on the ground, splitting their sides laughing, tears streaming down their eyes, and they all start shouting "Dopey had sex with a penguin, Dopey had sex with a penguin!"
LOL
"So tell me, your holiness, are there any dwarf nuns in Ireland?" he says
The pope thinks about this for a while and eventually says, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Ireland"
The other dwarves start sniggering to themselves.
"Oh.. are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican?"
Pope thinks long and hard about this, and eventually says, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in the Vatican"
At this point the other dwarves are laughing REALLY hard
"So.. are there any dwarf nuns at all in the world?"
"No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in the world."
Now the other dwarves are on the ground, splitting their sides laughing, tears streaming down their eyes, and they all start shouting "Dopey had sex with a penguin, Dopey had sex with a penguin!"
LOL
Funny very important punctuation lesson
An English professor wrote the words:
"A woman without her man is nothing."
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All the males in the class wrote:
"A woman , without her man , is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman : without her , man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerfull.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Gag - Bottle of Coke Bomb
Did you wonder if there is more to coke then drinking it with a cube of ice? Well looks like you can transform your favourite bottle of coke (when you are fed up with all that coffeine from your system) into a real bomb that explodes on impact .
Anyway this is a video (step by step video tutorial) showing exactly how to do so by using dry ice.
metacafe.com/watch/106412/dry_ice Dry Ice - video powered by Metacafe
So next time you put your ice cube in your favourite Coca Cola or Pepsi drink , remember what that ice did in this video and have a laugh , better yet use this as a gag and put your unsuspected friend to throw it for you (warning I'm not to be held responsible for anything it will happen :P lol)
Anyway this is a video (step by step video tutorial) showing exactly how to do so by using dry ice.
metacafe.com/watch/106412/dry_ice Dry Ice - video powered by Metacafe
So next time you put your ice cube in your favourite Coca Cola or Pepsi drink , remember what that ice did in this video and have a laugh , better yet use this as a gag and put your unsuspected friend to throw it for you (warning I'm not to be held responsible for anything it will happen :P lol)
Funny Amazing - Ultimate laptop or a big flopp
AtomChip®SG220-2
SPECIFICATIONS:
1TB AtomChip® Quantum-Optical Non-Volatile RAM and storage / 6.8GHz AtomChip® CPU (AtomChip® Quantum® II processor) / 2TB Additional AtomChip® Quantum Storage / 12.1" WXGA 1280x800,6:10 TFT Glare Type LCD display with 1.3 Mega pixel camera / Integrated graphic controller [AtomChip® DVM (Dynamic Video Memory) /802.11a/802.11b/802.11g WLAN /Intel® PRO/Wireless 2100/2200BG/2915ABG network connection / Bluetoth (with antenna build-in), GPS (with Bluetooth antenna) / PCMCIA slot x 1 / IEEE1394A x 1 / USB2.0 x 3 / SVGA-out port / Optical Drive: DVD Super Multi / LAN (RJ45) / Modem(RJ11), / Stereo Earphone-out / Built-in two stereo speakers / Built-in Microphone / Interface Ports Front Side:4 in 1 Card reader [SDIO, SD, MS Pro, MS] / Application Launch Key: E-mail,Internet, Capture, WLAN / Pointer: Synaptics touchpad with 4 way scrolling button / Rechargeable Li-Ion battery / Windows XP Professional and Linux / Voice Command / PROMT-Translator (8 languages) / AC Adapter / BOSE Headphone Music System with noise Canceling / Dimensions: 320(W)x242(D)x22(H)mm/28mm (front/back) /Weight around 4.18lb (1900g) when fully equipped.
The expected selling price is $18,500.
if u not belive me go see it 4 u self
http://atomchip.com/_wsn/page4.html
the most amusing part is if u watch the memory (solar memory)
well i sure dont plan on buying one! 18000 for a laptop!? are you crazy? who is going to buy it anyways? It says if you read carefully that the computer cant operate at full speed because the operating systems limit its speed, and 4 copies of each operating system need to be installed on the computer just for it to gain a speed boost. I was under the impression that they had hit a wall with 3.7 Ghz though? Why the new 6.8? new designs or something? Or maybe this whole thing is complete bullshit and its really just a high performing rip off of another chip?
If it is for real, i would have to say big flop! The computer isnt really practical, for example, if the operating systems have to be specialized to run on it, what about all the other apps people want to put on, do they have to be specialized too like on a mac?
SPECIFICATIONS:
1TB AtomChip® Quantum-Optical Non-Volatile RAM and storage / 6.8GHz AtomChip® CPU (AtomChip® Quantum® II processor) / 2TB Additional AtomChip® Quantum Storage / 12.1" WXGA 1280x800,6:10 TFT Glare Type LCD display with 1.3 Mega pixel camera / Integrated graphic controller [AtomChip® DVM (Dynamic Video Memory) /802.11a/802.11b/802.11g WLAN /Intel® PRO/Wireless 2100/2200BG/2915ABG network connection / Bluetoth (with antenna build-in), GPS (with Bluetooth antenna) / PCMCIA slot x 1 / IEEE1394A x 1 / USB2.0 x 3 / SVGA-out port / Optical Drive: DVD Super Multi / LAN (RJ45) / Modem(RJ11), / Stereo Earphone-out / Built-in two stereo speakers / Built-in Microphone / Interface Ports Front Side:4 in 1 Card reader [SDIO, SD, MS Pro, MS] / Application Launch Key: E-mail,Internet, Capture, WLAN / Pointer: Synaptics touchpad with 4 way scrolling button / Rechargeable Li-Ion battery / Windows XP Professional and Linux / Voice Command / PROMT-Translator (8 languages) / AC Adapter / BOSE Headphone Music System with noise Canceling / Dimensions: 320(W)x242(D)x22(H)mm/28mm (front/back) /Weight around 4.18lb (1900g) when fully equipped.
The expected selling price is $18,500.
if u not belive me go see it 4 u self
http://atomchip.com/_wsn/page4.html
the most amusing part is if u watch the memory (solar memory)
well i sure dont plan on buying one! 18000 for a laptop!? are you crazy? who is going to buy it anyways? It says if you read carefully that the computer cant operate at full speed because the operating systems limit its speed, and 4 copies of each operating system need to be installed on the computer just for it to gain a speed boost. I was under the impression that they had hit a wall with 3.7 Ghz though? Why the new 6.8? new designs or something? Or maybe this whole thing is complete bullshit and its really just a high performing rip off of another chip?
If it is for real, i would have to say big flop! The computer isnt really practical, for example, if the operating systems have to be specialized to run on it, what about all the other apps people want to put on, do they have to be specialized too like on a mac?
Friday, September 15, 2006
Subliminal Messages
Subliminal Messages
The following subliminal messages will just horrify you. Some will amuse you as it's humorous of what messages we are forced to hear in our everyday life.
The general trend as I saw is for satanic sublimal messages to be included in reverse part of the music . Don't knoiw exactly why but that's most disgussing and creepy or horrible.
With my latest searches I recently run of Jeff Milner's Backmasking site: jeffmilner.com .
Below is a flash animation file from his site with a bunch of top rated music that has been played on major tv programs , radios all over the world and most important in almost all of our homes.
I'll give some names:
Stairway to Heaven
Imagine
I'm so Tired
Kiss, Kiss, Kiss
My name is...
Pokemon Rap
Empty Spaces
Another one bites the dust
Hit me Baby one More Time
Nature Trail to Hell
Hotel California
Revolution 9
Fire on High
Discovering a subliminal message is not that hard . You need a music editing software that supports mp3 as input and then apply a reverse effect . You then listen the music. However the subliminal message is not always hearable and some times you must increese or decreese the music speed. Also subliminal messages are likely to be found in those mumbling areas of the music , or on the keypoints , because a hidden message there would become more powerfull as it targets the listener when he/she is most vurnerable.
Also take reference to Sublimal Messages at
http://humorsection.blogspot.com/2006/09/sublimal-messages.html
On the internet you will find all kinds of subliminal messages related materials such as:
Subliminal Persuasion CDs
Hello, greetings and welcome! Tapes, CDs & MPs by Barrie Konicov.
at potentialsunlimited
or Free subliminal messages
& spiral. Pre-made CDs/tapes. Made your way guaranteed effect , available since 1981.
or even hypnotic tapes containing Subliminal Message.
You to can make your music to contain hidden text messages by using subliminal messages software. Achieve anything you want.
The following subliminal messages will just horrify you. Some will amuse you as it's humorous of what messages we are forced to hear in our everyday life.
The general trend as I saw is for satanic sublimal messages to be included in reverse part of the music . Don't knoiw exactly why but that's most disgussing and creepy or horrible.
With my latest searches I recently run of Jeff Milner's Backmasking site: jeffmilner.com .
Below is a flash animation file from his site with a bunch of top rated music that has been played on major tv programs , radios all over the world and most important in almost all of our homes.
I'll give some names:
Stairway to Heaven
Imagine
I'm so Tired
Kiss, Kiss, Kiss
My name is...
Pokemon Rap
Empty Spaces
Another one bites the dust
Hit me Baby one More Time
Nature Trail to Hell
Hotel California
Revolution 9
Fire on High
Discovering a subliminal message is not that hard . You need a music editing software that supports mp3 as input and then apply a reverse effect . You then listen the music. However the subliminal message is not always hearable and some times you must increese or decreese the music speed. Also subliminal messages are likely to be found in those mumbling areas of the music , or on the keypoints , because a hidden message there would become more powerfull as it targets the listener when he/she is most vurnerable.
Also take reference to Sublimal Messages at
http://humorsection.blogspot.com/2006/09/sublimal-messages.html
On the internet you will find all kinds of subliminal messages related materials such as:
Subliminal Persuasion CDs
Hello, greetings and welcome! Tapes, CDs & MPs by Barrie Konicov.
at potentialsunlimited
or Free subliminal messages
& spiral. Pre-made CDs/tapes. Made your way guaranteed effect , available since 1981.
or even hypnotic tapes containing Subliminal Message.
You to can make your music to contain hidden text messages by using subliminal messages software. Achieve anything you want.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Sweet True - End of Windows Monopoly
Be proud......Breaking news!!! Bill gates Challenged by an Indian!!!
Just one INDIAN is challenging against Bill gates...... This is not only ground breaking news; it's space-breaking news indeed.
Ramlal Bhagat, a XII std. student from Haryana UP India, has developed a 32-bit operating system demonstrated to be far superior to any of the desktop operating systems in the market today.
The program has been named "O-Yes". O-Yes provides operating system services on any Pentium-based Personal computer (PC) and does not require MS- DOS as a base operating system. The operating system's capabilities were demonstrated in a student convention at the Indian Institute of Technology (IIT), New Delhi,India. HCL Ltd. conducted benchmarks on the system and published results, which are partly reported here: O -Yes is 34% faster than Microsoft's Windows 95 on similar hardware.
It is 29% faster than IBM's OS/2. O-Yes loads 54% quicker than Windows 95 or OS/2. O-Yes has a customizable, user-friendly graphical User Interface (GUI), in which every
program can be accessed with a maximum of two button clicks. The operating system provides plug n play
capability with numerous hardware devices. It has a superior memory management function. The operating system is compatible with Windows 95 & WindowsNT4.0.
HCL, Ltd. has offered an unknown amount to Ramlal Bhagat for purchasing the rights to the software.
Ramlal Bhagat, described as" quiet and philosophical" by is
peers, was not available for comment. Suresh Reddy, spokesman for HCL Ltd., said, "This is the operating system that the world has been waiting for". On HCL's move to purchase the rights to the software, he said,
"We are here to ensure that Mr.Ramlal gets fair recognition and compensation for his innovation. HCL Ltd. Can provide him a firm launch-pad to market software globally".
Is this the beginning of the end of the Bill Gates' monopoly?
Let's see...
not .. Of course it is a scam , hoax , call it what you will ..
The mail about O-Yes Operating System is just another hoax. Its just a combination of, dream about how an ideal OS should work coupled with Desi feelings. The anomalies in the mail are
1. It says "every program in OS can be accessed by 2 button clik."
Its already possible in windows. Start-> Programs.
So whats the big fuss.
2. "Customisable interface"
It too already exist in almost all modern OS.
3. If something as big as O-Yes really happened, then how come it was not reported by any TV channels or it escaped the front pages of our news papers?
4. GREATEST BLUNDER IS
"The operating system is compatible with Windows 95 & WindowsNT4.0."
How can an OS be compactible with another OS. Does that O-Yes needs another OS to run? Then how could it be called an OS???
5. VII th standard student developing an OS???
6.VII th standard student is described as
" Ramlal Bhagat, described as" quiet and philosophical" "
Hey hes just a kid. How come he be philosophical!!!
Just one INDIAN is challenging against Bill gates...... This is not only ground breaking news; it's space-breaking news indeed.
Ramlal Bhagat, a XII std. student from Haryana UP India, has developed a 32-bit operating system demonstrated to be far superior to any of the desktop operating systems in the market today.
The program has been named "O-Yes". O-Yes provides operating system services on any Pentium-based Personal computer (PC) and does not require MS- DOS as a base operating system. The operating system's capabilities were demonstrated in a student convention at the Indian Institute of Technology (IIT), New Delhi,India. HCL Ltd. conducted benchmarks on the system and published results, which are partly reported here: O -Yes is 34% faster than Microsoft's Windows 95 on similar hardware.
It is 29% faster than IBM's OS/2. O-Yes loads 54% quicker than Windows 95 or OS/2. O-Yes has a customizable, user-friendly graphical User Interface (GUI), in which every
program can be accessed with a maximum of two button clicks. The operating system provides plug n play
capability with numerous hardware devices. It has a superior memory management function. The operating system is compatible with Windows 95 & WindowsNT4.0.
HCL, Ltd. has offered an unknown amount to Ramlal Bhagat for purchasing the rights to the software.
Ramlal Bhagat, described as" quiet and philosophical" by is
peers, was not available for comment. Suresh Reddy, spokesman for HCL Ltd., said, "This is the operating system that the world has been waiting for". On HCL's move to purchase the rights to the software, he said,
"We are here to ensure that Mr.Ramlal gets fair recognition and compensation for his innovation. HCL Ltd. Can provide him a firm launch-pad to market software globally".
Is this the beginning of the end of the Bill Gates' monopoly?
Let's see...
not .. Of course it is a scam , hoax , call it what you will ..
The mail about O-Yes Operating System is just another hoax. Its just a combination of, dream about how an ideal OS should work coupled with Desi feelings. The anomalies in the mail are
1. It says "every program in OS can be accessed by 2 button clik."
Its already possible in windows. Start-> Programs.
So whats the big fuss.
2. "Customisable interface"
It too already exist in almost all modern OS.
3. If something as big as O-Yes really happened, then how come it was not reported by any TV channels or it escaped the front pages of our news papers?
4. GREATEST BLUNDER IS
"The operating system is compatible with Windows 95 & WindowsNT4.0."
How can an OS be compactible with another OS. Does that O-Yes needs another OS to run? Then how could it be called an OS???
5. VII th standard student developing an OS???
6.VII th standard student is described as
" Ramlal Bhagat, described as" quiet and philosophical" "
Hey hes just a kid. How come he be philosophical!!!
Sublimal Messages
Sublimal Messages is a very controversed subject these days and always was . You can find sublimal messages in television , music and even in books . The whole ideea started from our nature as humans. Many experts agree that sublimal messages are a part of our daily lives and can be found in our gestures all the time . When we talk we send a bunch of signals , some are sublimal and others not so sublimal messages of our state , well being or others.
Sublimal Music Messages are hidden song messages . Usually these kind of text is found by listening the tape backwards . It is believed that a sublimal song message will affect us because a song is listened everyday and when we are more relaxed. Hypnosis as you probably know needs the person that is to be hypnotised to be relaxed in order for it to work. Same here . Anyway if this message hidden deep into the song lyrics and how the song is sang actually gets to be understand by the young seems to be a mistery . You may probably may have seen a lot of movies mocking this issue by showing that sublimal messages can turn you into a mindless zombie . Anyway I think there are a lot of proofs that sublimal text messages actually work.
I will talk about sublimal satanic messages that are found in many songs . Many kids these days are not sane anymore. Their weird , crazy behaivour is obviously because of a strong influence that many think is the hidden messages from your favourit mp3 music.
Queen - We will Rock you
Briteny Spears - Hit me baby one more time
Led Zeplin - Stair Way To heaven
(actually has a sublimal satanic hidden message)
You can be disgussed by this sublimal messages . Can you believe what we are forced to hear in some cases ? And even if some sublimal messages are not as harmfull as others , music will remain the primary target as worldwide is listened by many teens (teenagers) through channels like MTV , music tapes , mp3 mp3s over the internet , iTunes , cd-s or dvds filled with music.
Sublimal Music Messages are hidden song messages . Usually these kind of text is found by listening the tape backwards . It is believed that a sublimal song message will affect us because a song is listened everyday and when we are more relaxed. Hypnosis as you probably know needs the person that is to be hypnotised to be relaxed in order for it to work. Same here . Anyway if this message hidden deep into the song lyrics and how the song is sang actually gets to be understand by the young seems to be a mistery . You may probably may have seen a lot of movies mocking this issue by showing that sublimal messages can turn you into a mindless zombie . Anyway I think there are a lot of proofs that sublimal text messages actually work.
I will talk about sublimal satanic messages that are found in many songs . Many kids these days are not sane anymore. Their weird , crazy behaivour is obviously because of a strong influence that many think is the hidden messages from your favourit mp3 music.
Queen - We will Rock you
Briteny Spears - Hit me baby one more time
Led Zeplin - Stair Way To heaven
(actually has a sublimal satanic hidden message)
You can be disgussed by this sublimal messages . Can you believe what we are forced to hear in some cases ? And even if some sublimal messages are not as harmfull as others , music will remain the primary target as worldwide is listened by many teens (teenagers) through channels like MTV , music tapes , mp3 mp3s over the internet , iTunes , cd-s or dvds filled with music.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Funny Picture - Key to RPG succes
I bet you have seen those "You know you have played to much rpg when you ..." articles but this is to much . Looks like this baby family are addicts in rpg games and he is going to be a born RPG player. No cheats , trainers or character editors will be needed . He will develop easy and grow in stats . I think in his first years will trade items with characters from his class and sometimes will be offered items for free .
Actual character status:
Strength : 3
Intelligence : 6
Wisdom : 3
Dexterity : 3
HitPoints: 2
Experience: 0
This is an easy guide (step by step tutorial) on how to greatly improove your rpg character and gain a big level. I mean life is the guide . How about this mentality ?
Actual character status:
Strength : 3
Intelligence : 6
Wisdom : 3
Dexterity : 3
HitPoints: 2
Experience: 0
This is an easy guide (step by step tutorial) on how to greatly improove your rpg character and gain a big level. I mean life is the guide . How about this mentality ?
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Ant Traps - New food for bumps
You may have heard of people eating dog food or cat food but this is new . I even tricked a kid when I was young that a little dog biscuit was Viagra and gave him and he tasted it lol , but considering to eat ant traps , who would have thought it's actually funny. Forget about funny looking bums (bumps) or funny looking food and read this.
-= Not good for ants with anaphylaxis =-
(
Label Quote:
Ant Trap
Kills Ants
Ants Traps and carry bait back to their nest
usually kills entire colony
Warning: may contain peanuts
Piege a Fourmis
Tue les Fourmis
)
lol, I know some really poor peoples can eat dog & cat food but eating ant trap food look weird .
Yes indeed if you never heard of this before people could eat just about anything especially bumps . I don't know if you saw the movie Bum fights but it is a violent movie that shows that bums are to make just about anything for some money , a drink or some food to keep them going. Watch out from now on .. The new food for bumps is out in the wild.
-= Not good for ants with anaphylaxis =-
(
Label Quote:
Ant Trap
Kills Ants
Ants Traps and carry bait back to their nest
usually kills entire colony
Warning: may contain peanuts
Piege a Fourmis
Tue les Fourmis
)
lol, I know some really poor peoples can eat dog & cat food but eating ant trap food look weird .
Yes indeed if you never heard of this before people could eat just about anything especially bumps . I don't know if you saw the movie Bum fights but it is a violent movie that shows that bums are to make just about anything for some money , a drink or some food to keep them going. Watch out from now on .. The new food for bumps is out in the wild.
Funny Car Model
Funny Car Models are nothing compared to this ... sure laugh if you have a funny car and don't believe me but check out this funny car photo . The car itself isn't funny but together with the spare they make the H in Humor.
Did you ever go to a car show or saw those hot car presentations where with every cool car you would see a hot photo model from a modelling school. But all of thnose models are very sexy and few make it in front of the camera and with all this they get starred at and even touched by the most curious viewers or car fans. But dispite all this it seems that the promoters of this car decided otherwise . Hot fat girl .. I mean she must be hot even if she only has that tanga right ? lol . This tops all thos funny cars out there. With that woman on the hood you will have the funniest car.
Did you ever go to a car show or saw those hot car presentations where with every cool car you would see a hot photo model from a modelling school. But all of thnose models are very sexy and few make it in front of the camera and with all this they get starred at and even touched by the most curious viewers or car fans. But dispite all this it seems that the promoters of this car decided otherwise . Hot fat girl .. I mean she must be hot even if she only has that tanga right ? lol . This tops all thos funny cars out there. With that woman on the hood you will have the funniest car.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Funny - Bill Gates is really the devil! Proof
The real name of "the" Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where "III" means the order of third (3rd.)
By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:
B 66
I 73
L 76
L 76
G 71
A 65
T 84
E 69
S 83
+ 3
--------------
666 !!
Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?" Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement
Before you decide, consider the following:
M S - D O S 6 . 2 1
77+83+45+68+79+83+32+54+46+50+49 = 666
W I N D O W S 9 5
87+73+78+68+79+87+83+57+53+1 = 666
Coincidence? You decide...
By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:
B 66
I 73
L 76
L 76
G 71
A 65
T 84
E 69
S 83
+ 3
--------------
666 !!
Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?" Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement
Before you decide, consider the following:
M S - D O S 6 . 2 1
77+83+45+68+79+83+32+54+46+50+49 = 666
W I N D O W S 9 5
87+73+78+68+79+87+83+57+53+1 = 666
Coincidence? You decide...
9/11 Terrorist Attack - Fact and Fiction
I got this from one of my friends in an email and thought it was pretty interesting......The Microsoft Word thing at the bottom is neat how that works out!!
Here's something for the conspiracy theorists to chew on (you know who you are!)
I don't , but this is a little eerie, and interesting...
> > Read to the bottom. Try it out. I did. I got goose bump
> > This is actually really freaky!! (mainly the end part, but read it all
> > first)
> > 1) New York City has 11 letters
> > 2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
> > 3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in
> > 1993) has 11 letters.
> > 4) George W Bush has 11 letters.
> > This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:
> > 1) New York is the 11th state.
> > 2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
> > 3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
> > 4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers , was carrying 65
> > passengers. 6+5 = 11
> > 5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 =
> > 11
> > 6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911. 9 +
> > 1 + 1 = 11
> > Sheer coincidence. .?! Read on and make up your own mind:
> > 1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. 2 +
> > 5 + 4 = 11.
> > 2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year. Again 2 + 5 + 4 =
> > 11.
> > 3) The Madridbombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
> > 4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.
> > Now this is where things get totally eerie:
> > The most recognized symbol for the US , after the Stars & Stripes, is the
> > Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy book:
> > "For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The
> > wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some
> > of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the
> > Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."
> > That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.
> > unconvinced about all of this Still .?!
> >
> > Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
> > Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
> > 1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to
> > hit one of the Twin Towers .
> > *
> > 2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
> > 3. Change the font size to 48.
> > 4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS
> > What do you think now?!!
> > Send this to as many people as you know and in 11 minutes you will get a
> > nice surprise, if you don't you will get the shock of Your life in 11 min.
But not all the info in this letter are true! and the rest of them are only coincidence:
> > 3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in
> > 1993) has 11 letters.
That depend on how you right his name, translating it from arabic to english could take many forms.
> > 2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
Normal, they are numbered depending on the day of the flight, flight 11 goes on the 11th, as flight 12 goes on the 12th.
> > 3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
nope Flight 11 carried 88 people.
> > 4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers , was carrying 65
> > passengers. 6+5 = 11
wrong again, flight 77 hit the pentagon and only carried 59 people
> > 1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. 2 +
> > 5 + 4 = 11.
no no, it was 246 casualties on the 4 planes.
> > 3) The Madridbombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
why not just calculate 3+1+1=5, why here take the year also!
> > 4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.
Oh!! so close but its 912... lol
> > Now this is where things get totally eerie:
> > The most recognized symbol for the US , after the Stars & Stripes, is the
> > Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy book:
> > "For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The
> > wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some
> > of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the
> > Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."
> > That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.
> > unconvinced about all of this Still .?!
Yes go check the Quran, and read in the chapter 9 verse 11:
"But (even so), if they repent, establish regular prayers, and practise regular charity,- they are your brethren in Faith: (thus) do We explain the Signs in detail, for those who understand."
Nothing to do with eagles or arabian sons. and the text above exist no where in the Quran.
> > Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
> > Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
> > 1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to
> > hit one of the Twin Towers .
NO sorry the flight registration was N334AA
The rest of the email, the calcualtion is only coincidence, as there are hundrands of names that were mentioned that day and only a bunch would give you the number 11 by calculating the sum.
By the way, that email is posted as hoax in most anti spam websites.
Here's something for the conspiracy theorists to chew on (you know who you are!)
I don't , but this is a little eerie, and interesting...
> > Read to the bottom. Try it out. I did. I got goose bump
> > This is actually really freaky!! (mainly the end part, but read it all
> > first)
> > 1) New York City has 11 letters
> > 2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
> > 3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in
> > 1993) has 11 letters.
> > 4) George W Bush has 11 letters.
> > This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:
> > 1) New York is the 11th state.
> > 2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
> > 3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
> > 4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers , was carrying 65
> > passengers. 6+5 = 11
> > 5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 =
> > 11
> > 6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911. 9 +
> > 1 + 1 = 11
> > Sheer coincidence. .?! Read on and make up your own mind:
> > 1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. 2 +
> > 5 + 4 = 11.
> > 2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year. Again 2 + 5 + 4 =
> > 11.
> > 3) The Madridbombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
> > 4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.
> > Now this is where things get totally eerie:
> > The most recognized symbol for the US , after the Stars & Stripes, is the
> > Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy book:
> > "For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The
> > wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some
> > of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the
> > Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."
> > That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.
> > unconvinced about all of this Still .?!
> >
> > Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
> > Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
> > 1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to
> > hit one of the Twin Towers .
> > *
> > 2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
> > 3. Change the font size to 48.
> > 4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS
> > What do you think now?!!
> > Send this to as many people as you know and in 11 minutes you will get a
> > nice surprise, if you don't you will get the shock of Your life in 11 min.
But not all the info in this letter are true! and the rest of them are only coincidence:
> > 3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in
> > 1993) has 11 letters.
That depend on how you right his name, translating it from arabic to english could take many forms.
> > 2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
Normal, they are numbered depending on the day of the flight, flight 11 goes on the 11th, as flight 12 goes on the 12th.
> > 3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
nope Flight 11 carried 88 people.
> > 4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers , was carrying 65
> > passengers. 6+5 = 11
wrong again, flight 77 hit the pentagon and only carried 59 people
> > 1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. 2 +
> > 5 + 4 = 11.
no no, it was 246 casualties on the 4 planes.
> > 3) The Madridbombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
why not just calculate 3+1+1=5, why here take the year also!
> > 4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.
Oh!! so close but its 912... lol
> > Now this is where things get totally eerie:
> > The most recognized symbol for the US , after the Stars & Stripes, is the
> > Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy book:
> > "For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The
> > wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some
> > of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the
> > Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."
> > That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.
> > unconvinced about all of this Still .?!
Yes go check the Quran, and read in the chapter 9 verse 11:
"But (even so), if they repent, establish regular prayers, and practise regular charity,- they are your brethren in Faith: (thus) do We explain the Signs in detail, for those who understand."
Nothing to do with eagles or arabian sons. and the text above exist no where in the Quran.
> > Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
> > Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
> > 1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to
> > hit one of the Twin Towers .
NO sorry the flight registration was N334AA
The rest of the email, the calcualtion is only coincidence, as there are hundrands of names that were mentioned that day and only a bunch would give you the number 11 by calculating the sum.
By the way, that email is posted as hoax in most anti spam websites.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Funny Flash Animation - Sweedish idol
This is a funny interpretation of O-zone romanian band in "Dragostea Din Tei" . Lyrics Quote:
"Dragostea Din Tei
Ma-ia hii
Ma-ia huu
Ma-ia hoo
Ma-ia haha (x4)
Alo, salut, sunt eu, un haiduc
si te rog, iubirea mea, primeste fericirea. Alo, alo, sunt eu, Picasso
ti-am dat beep si sunt voinic
Dar sa stii, nu-ti cer nimic.
Vrei sa pleci dar nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Nu-mă, nu-mă iei, nu-mă, nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Chipul tău si dragostea din tei
Mi-amintesc de ochii tăi.
Vrei să pleci dar nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Nu-mă, nu-mă iei, nu-mă, nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Chipul tău si dragostea din tei
Mi-amintesc de ochii tăi.
Te sun, să-ti spun, ce simt, acum
Alo, iubirea mea sunt eu, fericirea.
Alo, alo, sunt iarasi eu, Picasso
ti-am dat beep si sunt voinic
Dar să stii, nu-ti cer nimic.
Vrei să pleci dar nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Nu-mă, nu-mă iei, nu-mă, nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Chipul tău si dragostea din tei
Mi-amintesc de ochii tăi.
Vrei să pleci dar nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Nu-mă, nu-mă iei, nu-mă, nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Chipul tău si dragostea din tei
Mi-amintesc de ochii tăi.
Ma-ia hii
Ma-ia huu
Ma-ia hoo
Ma-ia haha (x4)
Vrei să pleci dar nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Nu-mă, nu-mă iei, nu-mă, nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Chipul tău si dragostea din tei
Mi-amintesc de ochii tăi.
Vrei să pleci dar nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Nu-mă, nu-mă iei, nu-mă, nu-mă, nu-mă iei
Chipul tău si dragostea din tei
Mi-amintesc de ochii tăi.
"
Look at him how he bends his arms . This is very funny.
Electronic Arts - New 2006 Games RPS 2006
Game: RPS 2006
Platform: Playstation 1 , PlayStation 2 , PlayStation 3, PSP
Type: Action , Sports
Release: 2006 by Electronic Arts (EA Sports)
Featuring Electronic Arts RPS 2006 for PlayStation 2
It is said that this game has a backward compatibility with PlayStation 1 and a special version for your PSP or PlayStation 3 will appear soon
Quote:
"E. A. Sports. It's in the game!"
Check out this newly released game from Electronic Arts. It's available for a free download everywhere :P however Electronic Arts is think about supplying a demo after three month to engage the large public to download this new exciting game.
It has been awarded as the most original game ideea from all the games so far lol.
Platform: Playstation 1 , PlayStation 2 , PlayStation 3, PSP
Type: Action , Sports
Release: 2006 by Electronic Arts (EA Sports)
Featuring Electronic Arts RPS 2006 for PlayStation 2
It is said that this game has a backward compatibility with PlayStation 1 and a special version for your PSP or PlayStation 3 will appear soon
Quote:
"E. A. Sports. It's in the game!"
Check out this newly released game from Electronic Arts. It's available for a free download everywhere :P however Electronic Arts is think about supplying a demo after three month to engage the large public to download this new exciting game.
It has been awarded as the most original game ideea from all the games so far lol.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Jokes - Naming your dog
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Roy." I call mine "Sex." He's a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.
When I went to the city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.
He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny--I have the same problem."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place it's no big deal anymore."
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please."
Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me, too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex.
When I went to the city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.
He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny--I have the same problem."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place it's no big deal anymore."
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please."
Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me, too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Jokes - Mercedes convertible Speeding
A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75.
He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph, then 110, 120 mph! Then he thought, "What am I doing?
I'm too old for this kind of thing."
He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.
The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man.
"Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper,
and I thought you were bringing her back."
The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."
He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph, then 110, 120 mph! Then he thought, "What am I doing?
I'm too old for this kind of thing."
He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.
The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man.
"Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper,
and I thought you were bringing her back."
The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Jokes - Drink for free - Drunk advice to use hot dog
Two drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free. They only had a dollar in change between them. "I've got it, follow me." said the first man.
They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. "We'll go into a bar and order drinks, and when the bartender asks for money, I'll unzip my fly and pull out the hot dog. You drop to your knees and pretend to suck me off."
The second man agrees to this and they start their rounds.
When they get to the bar, they sit down and have a beer. The bartender tells them, "That will be three dollars."
The first man stands up and upzips his fly. The second man drops to his knees and starts sucking on the hot-dog.
"You faggots!" screams the bartender. "Get the hell out of here!"
They run out and go to another bar and order drinks and when the bartender asks for money, the first man unzips his fly, and the second man drops to his knees. The bartender throws them out.
After the sixth bar the second man complains, "Man this isn't working out so well, My knees are killing me!"
"You think you've had it bad," the first man exclaims. "I lost the hotdog four bars ago!"
They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. "We'll go into a bar and order drinks, and when the bartender asks for money, I'll unzip my fly and pull out the hot dog. You drop to your knees and pretend to suck me off."
The second man agrees to this and they start their rounds.
When they get to the bar, they sit down and have a beer. The bartender tells them, "That will be three dollars."
The first man stands up and upzips his fly. The second man drops to his knees and starts sucking on the hot-dog.
"You faggots!" screams the bartender. "Get the hell out of here!"
They run out and go to another bar and order drinks and when the bartender asks for money, the first man unzips his fly, and the second man drops to his knees. The bartender throws them out.
After the sixth bar the second man complains, "Man this isn't working out so well, My knees are killing me!"
"You think you've had it bad," the first man exclaims. "I lost the hotdog four bars ago!"
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Funny Words of Wisdom - Bathroom Graffiti
Bathroom graffiti 1
Here I lie in stinky vapor, Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger, Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
bathroom graffiti 2
Here I sit What a caper I have to shit But I'm out of paper
bathroom graffiti 3
Here I sit Broken hearted Tried to shit But only farted
bathroom graffiti 4
You're lucky You had your chance I tried to fart, And shit my pants!
bathroom graffiti 5
I came here To shit and stink But all I do Is sit and think.
bathroom graffiti 6
Some come here to sit and think, Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls, And read the bullshit on the walls...
bathroom graffiti 7 (written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Hillsboro Fire Department want's you.
bathroom graffiti 8 (written high upon the wall above a urinal)
Don't look up here, the joke's in your hand.
bathroom graffiti 9
Sign posted in a bathroom: We aim to please! You aim too! Please!
bathroom graffiti 10
Seen above a urinal: Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!
bathroom graffiti 11
Scratched into the paint of the condom-dispensing machine were these words:
"on't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber."
bathroom graffiti 12
On the inside of a toilet door: Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout
the entire performance.
bathroom graffiti 13
" 1.49 - All You Can Eat" (with an arrow pointing down into the toilet)
bathroom graffiti 14
A sign I saw at a swimming pool once: We don't swim in your toilet, so please
don't pee in our pool!
bathroom graffiti 15
Another sign seen at a swimming pool: Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no
P in it. Please keep it that way.
bathroom graffiti 16
My mother made me a whore. (to which someone else added) If I give her the
yarn, will she make me one too?
bathroom graffiti 17
Under a sign that said "Employees Must Wash Hands," someone scribbled:
I waited and waited, but I finally washed them myself.
bathroom graffiti 18
In the men's room at a Burger King restaurant
: It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good food into shit.
It only takes Burger King 10 minutes.
bathroom graffiti 19
Sign seen at a restaurant: The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...
please aim properly.
bathroom graffiti 20
Here I sit, I'm at a loss trying to shit out taco sauce. When it comes, I hope and
pray, I don't blow my *** away.
bathroom graffiti 21
Here's one seen above a urinal: look up look up [even higher on the wall] keep
looking up [on the ceiling] Quick! Look down! You're pissing on your shoes!
bathroom graffiti 22
One of the funniest I've seen was also the simplest: Fart loud if you love Jesus!
bathroom graffiti 23
While your sitting on the toilet you see written on the stall door: Congratulations!
You've won one free game of Toilet Tennis! Look Left. You look left and it reads:
Look Right You look right and it reads: Look Left...
bathroom graffiti 24
Everybody pisses on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.
bathroom graffiti 25 (written above a urinal)
Why are you looking up here? Are you ashamed of it?
bathroom graffiti 26
Some people come here to take a shit, I come here to leave one.
bathroom graffiti 27
Don't look now! you're pissing on your neighbors foot.
Here I lie in stinky vapor, Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger, Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
bathroom graffiti 2
Here I sit What a caper I have to shit But I'm out of paper
bathroom graffiti 3
Here I sit Broken hearted Tried to shit But only farted
bathroom graffiti 4
You're lucky You had your chance I tried to fart, And shit my pants!
bathroom graffiti 5
I came here To shit and stink But all I do Is sit and think.
bathroom graffiti 6
Some come here to sit and think, Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls, And read the bullshit on the walls...
bathroom graffiti 7 (written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Hillsboro Fire Department want's you.
bathroom graffiti 8 (written high upon the wall above a urinal)
Don't look up here, the joke's in your hand.
bathroom graffiti 9
Sign posted in a bathroom: We aim to please! You aim too! Please!
bathroom graffiti 10
Seen above a urinal: Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!
bathroom graffiti 11
Scratched into the paint of the condom-dispensing machine were these words:
"on't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber."
bathroom graffiti 12
On the inside of a toilet door: Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout
the entire performance.
bathroom graffiti 13
" 1.49 - All You Can Eat" (with an arrow pointing down into the toilet)
bathroom graffiti 14
A sign I saw at a swimming pool once: We don't swim in your toilet, so please
don't pee in our pool!
bathroom graffiti 15
Another sign seen at a swimming pool: Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no
P in it. Please keep it that way.
bathroom graffiti 16
My mother made me a whore. (to which someone else added) If I give her the
yarn, will she make me one too?
bathroom graffiti 17
Under a sign that said "Employees Must Wash Hands," someone scribbled:
I waited and waited, but I finally washed them myself.
bathroom graffiti 18
In the men's room at a Burger King restaurant
: It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good food into shit.
It only takes Burger King 10 minutes.
bathroom graffiti 19
Sign seen at a restaurant: The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...
please aim properly.
bathroom graffiti 20
Here I sit, I'm at a loss trying to shit out taco sauce. When it comes, I hope and
pray, I don't blow my *** away.
bathroom graffiti 21
Here's one seen above a urinal: look up look up [even higher on the wall] keep
looking up [on the ceiling] Quick! Look down! You're pissing on your shoes!
bathroom graffiti 22
One of the funniest I've seen was also the simplest: Fart loud if you love Jesus!
bathroom graffiti 23
While your sitting on the toilet you see written on the stall door: Congratulations!
You've won one free game of Toilet Tennis! Look Left. You look left and it reads:
Look Right You look right and it reads: Look Left...
bathroom graffiti 24
Everybody pisses on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.
bathroom graffiti 25 (written above a urinal)
Why are you looking up here? Are you ashamed of it?
bathroom graffiti 26
Some people come here to take a shit, I come here to leave one.
bathroom graffiti 27
Don't look now! you're pissing on your neighbors foot.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Funny confrontation - Doctors vs Engineers in train trip
7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.
So they all gather at Pune Station.
Both groups are desperately trying* to prove their superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
---------------------------------------
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks , one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....
*
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
*
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :
---------------------------------------------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..
TC arrives....
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..
One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg. Bathroom...
TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined
*
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :
-----------------------------------------
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.
This time doctors decide that they will play the same(1 ticket) trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.....
Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train...........
Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers.
So they all gather at Pune Station.
Both groups are desperately trying* to prove their superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
---------------------------------------
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks , one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....
*
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
*
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :
---------------------------------------------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..
TC arrives....
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..
One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg. Bathroom...
TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined
*
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :
-----------------------------------------
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.
This time doctors decide that they will play the same(1 ticket) trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.....
Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train...........
Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers.
Funny Animation - McDonalds teens making a hamburger
Did you ever wonder how the meat roll is turned into that burger that you probably buy from McDonalds. Now this is how they do it. No wonder so many people like it and as many hate them.
That is why McDonalds seeks teens in the first place :P
That is why McDonalds seeks teens in the first place :P
Jokes - Fell in love with my sexy teacher
Michael fell in love with his sexy teacher so one day at the school class he asks her to marry him.
The sexy teacher responds that she needs a man to satisfy her needs as a women not a child.
Michael looks with a happy smile to the sexy teacher and calmly responds :
-Don't worry , first time I will use a rubber !
The sexy teacher responds that she needs a man to satisfy her needs as a women not a child.
Michael looks with a happy smile to the sexy teacher and calmly responds :
-Don't worry , first time I will use a rubber !
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Jokes - Men comming home late from the bar
There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."
One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.
"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.
"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."
"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."
One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.
"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.
"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."
Jokes - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
AAADD
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
I realize the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the driveway is flooded,
the car isn't washed,
the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
there is still only one check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
I realize the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the driveway is flooded,
the car isn't washed,
the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
there is still only one check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
Funny - Wonderful definitions of designations at office
Wonderful definitions of designations at office .
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in
One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to
Produce a baby.
And lastly.................
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in
One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to
Produce a baby.
And lastly.................
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby
Jokes - Air Deccan
Air Deccan (Joke)
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Air Deccan.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre.
This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will End up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Air Deccan has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our Passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and m emorable, we serve Complimentary DHARU (Alcohol) and Wada pavw (Indian dish). For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Kingfisher Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the Cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible. For the best view, if however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly Fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Air Deccan.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre.
This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will End up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Air Deccan has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our Passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and m emorable, we serve Complimentary DHARU (Alcohol) and Wada pavw (Indian dish). For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Kingfisher Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the Cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible. For the best view, if however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly Fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Jokes - Got a light?
There were 3 men and they all died in a car crash and went to hell. When they got there the devil asked them all in turn a question.
To he first he said "what was your biggest sin on earth?" and the man replied "Oh man I just love alchol and being drunk man" so the devil showed the man to a room full of alchol of every type and description and he put the man inside and said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.
To the second man he asked the same question and the man replied "oh man I just love to have sex with the ladies, I was really unfaithful to my wife man". So the devil took the man and showed him to a room full of hundreds upon thousands of georgeous and beautiful naked women. The man ran inside and the devil said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.
The third man's answer to the question was "oh man I just LOVE weed! Im high all the time man and I can't live without it!". The devil showed the man to a room packed with the most amazing grade-A bud you've ever seen, stacked to the roof! The man went inside and the devil locked the door after saying "see you in 100 years".
100 years later the devil came by to let the three men out. He opened the door to the first man's room and found the man collapsed on the ground, passed out with empty bottles laying around him and puke all over him. He was a mess.
The devil opened the 2nd man's door and the man came running out of the room and cried "IM GAY! IM GAY!". Finally the devil came to the third man's room and opened the door. Sitting in the middle of all the bud, in the exact same position the devil had left him in was the man. He looked up at the devil and with a single tear rolling down his cheek he asked : "hey man, got a light?"
To he first he said "what was your biggest sin on earth?" and the man replied "Oh man I just love alchol and being drunk man" so the devil showed the man to a room full of alchol of every type and description and he put the man inside and said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.
To the second man he asked the same question and the man replied "oh man I just love to have sex with the ladies, I was really unfaithful to my wife man". So the devil took the man and showed him to a room full of hundreds upon thousands of georgeous and beautiful naked women. The man ran inside and the devil said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.
The third man's answer to the question was "oh man I just LOVE weed! Im high all the time man and I can't live without it!". The devil showed the man to a room packed with the most amazing grade-A bud you've ever seen, stacked to the roof! The man went inside and the devil locked the door after saying "see you in 100 years".
100 years later the devil came by to let the three men out. He opened the door to the first man's room and found the man collapsed on the ground, passed out with empty bottles laying around him and puke all over him. He was a mess.
The devil opened the 2nd man's door and the man came running out of the room and cried "IM GAY! IM GAY!". Finally the devil came to the third man's room and opened the door. Sitting in the middle of all the bud, in the exact same position the devil had left him in was the man. He looked up at the devil and with a single tear rolling down his cheek he asked : "hey man, got a light?"
Friday, September 01, 2006
Funny Reality - Too Much Starcraft
This is something interesting I found while browsing, if you play Starcraft you'll get it ;)
You know you play too much StarCraft when...
· You call your house your "Nexus."
· You play basketball and ask your friends if the game is melee or UMS.
· You are poor and you tell your dad to harvest more minerals.
· You realize that you're broke and ask your parents to borrow some minerals.
· You decide to blow yourself up as a suicide bomber and shout "here's for the Swarm!"
· You inject steroids into your arm on the way home to get there faster.
· You pretend that a box is an SCV and you sit in it and pick your nose.
· You send siblings out to scout neighbors' yards.
· Your solution for Iraq is "Battlecruisers. Mass Battlecruisers."
· Your only fear when massing Battlecruisers against Iraq is that they may have cloaked Wraiths waiting.
· You sit in a traffic jam and wonder if your car has a Siege mode.
· Laser pointers are now weapons of mass destruction - avoid them at all costs.
· The Bunsen burner in chemistry looks deliciously inviting as a splash damage weapon.
· You poke people repeatedly. Maybe they'll say something funny.
· You complain about the inefficiency of our military. Even on slow days, it only took you half an hour to amass a fleet and annihilate your opponent.
· You don't believe in the concept of overpopulation. Why not just build more supply depots?
· Missile turrets are a crucial part to any home security system. Bunkers too. Hell, a few Siege Tanks here and there wouldn't hurt.
· You call your school bully a Dragoon.
· You start calling rich people "n00bs" and tell them to play on real maps.
· You walk by a construction site and wonder why they just don't warp everything in.
· You think strategically placing Arbiters around your town/city so they can recall people wherever they want is a really good idea.
· You mistake your grandmother for an Infested Kerrigan.
· You mistake Democrats for UED leaders.
· You think babies come from Gateways.
· Your friend is a Hydralisk. No matter what anyone else says, he's a Hydralisk.
· You tell people to go somewhere and you start repeatedly "clicking" your finger.
· You try to Optical Flare your dog.
· You answer the phone with "You want a piece of me boy?!"
· You know everyone on Battle.net. Everyone on Battle.net knows you.
· You give people your Battle.net username instead of your phone number.
· You go by your Battle.net alias.
· You know, by heart, how many hits it will take a marine to destroy a Battlecrusier.
· You can beat every Terran campaign mission with 4 marines and an SCV.
· You went as a Zealot for Halloween.
· You use the wall in your room as a board for designing new strategies.
· You can draw any custom map someone tells you to draw.
· You have been to every single StarCraft site searching for the best possible strategy.
· You have a small shrine dedicated to your SC CD case.
· You change religions. You are now part of the Khalai.
· You name your son Fenix.
· You have a meeting every week with your friends so you can come up with new strategies.
· The doctor injects the flu shot into you, you sigh relaxingly and say "ah, that's the stuff."
· You force your mom to call the school bus a "Shuttle"
· You see your friend in a fight and you shout "We must join our bretheren in battle!"
· You worry about walking through narrow places because there might be burrowed lurkers.
· You're sleeping with your girl and accidently scream "Kerrigan" instead of her name.
· You cry yourself to sleep because your SC CD is missing.
· You actually understand all of the above jokes.
You know you play too much StarCraft when...
· You call your house your "Nexus."
· You play basketball and ask your friends if the game is melee or UMS.
· You are poor and you tell your dad to harvest more minerals.
· You realize that you're broke and ask your parents to borrow some minerals.
· You decide to blow yourself up as a suicide bomber and shout "here's for the Swarm!"
· You inject steroids into your arm on the way home to get there faster.
· You pretend that a box is an SCV and you sit in it and pick your nose.
· You send siblings out to scout neighbors' yards.
· Your solution for Iraq is "Battlecruisers. Mass Battlecruisers."
· Your only fear when massing Battlecruisers against Iraq is that they may have cloaked Wraiths waiting.
· You sit in a traffic jam and wonder if your car has a Siege mode.
· Laser pointers are now weapons of mass destruction - avoid them at all costs.
· The Bunsen burner in chemistry looks deliciously inviting as a splash damage weapon.
· You poke people repeatedly. Maybe they'll say something funny.
· You complain about the inefficiency of our military. Even on slow days, it only took you half an hour to amass a fleet and annihilate your opponent.
· You don't believe in the concept of overpopulation. Why not just build more supply depots?
· Missile turrets are a crucial part to any home security system. Bunkers too. Hell, a few Siege Tanks here and there wouldn't hurt.
· You call your school bully a Dragoon.
· You start calling rich people "n00bs" and tell them to play on real maps.
· You walk by a construction site and wonder why they just don't warp everything in.
· You think strategically placing Arbiters around your town/city so they can recall people wherever they want is a really good idea.
· You mistake your grandmother for an Infested Kerrigan.
· You mistake Democrats for UED leaders.
· You think babies come from Gateways.
· Your friend is a Hydralisk. No matter what anyone else says, he's a Hydralisk.
· You tell people to go somewhere and you start repeatedly "clicking" your finger.
· You try to Optical Flare your dog.
· You answer the phone with "You want a piece of me boy?!"
· You know everyone on Battle.net. Everyone on Battle.net knows you.
· You give people your Battle.net username instead of your phone number.
· You go by your Battle.net alias.
· You know, by heart, how many hits it will take a marine to destroy a Battlecrusier.
· You can beat every Terran campaign mission with 4 marines and an SCV.
· You went as a Zealot for Halloween.
· You use the wall in your room as a board for designing new strategies.
· You can draw any custom map someone tells you to draw.
· You have been to every single StarCraft site searching for the best possible strategy.
· You have a small shrine dedicated to your SC CD case.
· You change religions. You are now part of the Khalai.
· You name your son Fenix.
· You have a meeting every week with your friends so you can come up with new strategies.
· The doctor injects the flu shot into you, you sigh relaxingly and say "ah, that's the stuff."
· You force your mom to call the school bus a "Shuttle"
· You see your friend in a fight and you shout "We must join our bretheren in battle!"
· You worry about walking through narrow places because there might be burrowed lurkers.
· You're sleeping with your girl and accidently scream "Kerrigan" instead of her name.
· You cry yourself to sleep because your SC CD is missing.
· You actually understand all of the above jokes.
Funny Picture - Love at first sight
Can anybody explain what love at first sight is ?
I know that is tough to define.
An exact picture is given below.
Now without definition you can understand.
Please scroll down
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I know that is tough to define.
An exact picture is given below.
Now without definition you can understand.
Please scroll down
...........scroll down..........
..........scroll down..........
..........scroll down..........
..........scroll down..........
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Funny Story - CIA test
Three guys are applying for job with the CIA. They got all the way to the final test.
So the first guy walks into the directors office and sits down. The director reaches in his desk and pulls out a pistol. Lays it on his desk in front of the guy. Tells him, "This test is to test your loyalty. Take this gun and go up the stairs and go into the first room on your right. Your wife will be in there. Put a bullet in her head." The guy looks at him and says,"no way." So the director says, "You fail."
The next guy comes in. The director tells him the same thing. Guy picks up the gun and head for the room. Comes back about 15 minutes later. Tells the director that he just couldn`t go through with it. The director says, "you fail."
So now the third guy comes in, same scene. Guy heads up to the room. The director hears 3 shots, followed by a whole lot of ruckus (glass breaking, furniture getting smashed). Guy comes back in all beat up and his clothes tore up. The director goes, "What happened to you?" Guy replies, "After three shots I realized that there were blanks in the gun so I had to choke her to death."
So the first guy walks into the directors office and sits down. The director reaches in his desk and pulls out a pistol. Lays it on his desk in front of the guy. Tells him, "This test is to test your loyalty. Take this gun and go up the stairs and go into the first room on your right. Your wife will be in there. Put a bullet in her head." The guy looks at him and says,"no way." So the director says, "You fail."
The next guy comes in. The director tells him the same thing. Guy picks up the gun and head for the room. Comes back about 15 minutes later. Tells the director that he just couldn`t go through with it. The director says, "you fail."
So now the third guy comes in, same scene. Guy heads up to the room. The director hears 3 shots, followed by a whole lot of ruckus (glass breaking, furniture getting smashed). Guy comes back in all beat up and his clothes tore up. The director goes, "What happened to you?" Guy replies, "After three shots I realized that there were blanks in the gun so I had to choke her to death."
Jokes - Johnny was late in class
Johnny was late in class
Once Johnny was late in class, so the teacher attending the class asked him "You know the importance of periods ?"
Little Johnny replied "Ya, once my sister said she missed one, my mother fainted, father had a heart-attack, and our neighbour committed suicide"
Once Johnny was late in class, so the teacher attending the class asked him "You know the importance of periods ?"
Little Johnny replied "Ya, once my sister said she missed one, my mother fainted, father had a heart-attack, and our neighbour committed suicide"
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